


Wear Your Heart

by badjujuboo (miztrezboo)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 21:13:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2555930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miztrezboo/pseuds/badjujuboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the very begining, everyone expected Louis and Harry's lives were set to be intertwined. That their heart marks would fill out and, when they came of age, The Fates would show their final hand.</p>
<p>No one - Niall especially - thought that it would be anything less. </p>
<p>Except that when Louis' turned twenty one, it wasn't a H that showed up on his chest. It turns out, everyone - Niall included - was actually quite wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wear Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [karishma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/karishma/gifts).



> so this is an AU with Canon themes of a sort. There are scenarios/points of interest that are close or as close as possible to One Direction's timeline... other times I've taken liberties because it's an soulmates AU and it makes the story flow a little better. Some facts are fudged but most of the time i've tried to keep it as close as possible to what actually happend since the band formed.
> 
> I had a WORLD of fun with your prompts **Karishma**! I hope this is something of what you hoped for at any rate! Massive, massive thank you to the two who ALWAYS push me the hardest and yell at me when I needed it. And I did because even Canon themes are HARD :( 
> 
> also huge love to the mods for this exchange and being so incredibly patient with me as I kept flailing about getting this done. You are both so so wonderful!

**Wear Your Heart**

 

From the begining, everyone thought it was going to be Louis and Harry. From the very moment they were put into a band, they'd jumped into each other's arms like they'd known each other forever. As if they were meant to be. A sure thing. Soul mates.

Niall didn't need to see their chests to know that the smudge of a heart shape they were born with would already be filling out. Taking proper shape and waiting for the final sign when they came of age. It wouldn't even be worth the money to bet that Louis' heart would bloom with a curly H and a few years down the track, Harry's would echo with a loopy L of it's own. 

That's the thing, see. When you find that one, when you've met that person that's _it_ for you, your birthmark changes. Shape takes hold from the smear of colour on the left side of your chest, deepens and darkens until it forms a heart right above the one that beats on the inside. It let's you know the wait is nearly over, that you've already found someone that will complete your life. Someone who's your perfect match, the other half to make you whole. Then, when you're twenty one and are old enough - or so the saying goes - the first letter of their name blooms in black looking ink dead centre. The last remaining clue or answer to the question everyone wants to know.

Some people. Some people don't believe in The Fates. Don't believe that your soulmate is preordained. That you have a right to choose who you love on your own. It isn't the most popular of thoughts, especially when the evidence is there for people who wait. People who find each other when they're old enough to have lived a bit, who are ready to settle down and be with the one who's made for you and you alone. 

 

Niall's parents thought they could be different. Thought that they loved each other enough to get past whatever letter showed up when they eventually turned twenty one. Greg came along and against both their parents wishes, they married and even after they shared their birthdays and the letters on their chests appeared that weren't quite each other, they stuck it out. 

It wasn't easy, as Niall's mum told him, when she explained about what would happen to his strawberry pink splodge on his chest. The town weren't particularly nice to them and her own family stopped talking to her altogether, even after she tried to explain that her B absolutely stood for Bobby. That was just what people called his Da though, his real name was Robert. 

Greg remembers a little of what their parents had been like before Niall came along, and the few years after when it was still good. He remembers them dancing and their da singing as he swung their mum around the little kitchen, telling him to stop or she'd be sick. He remembers them cuddled on the sofa, always touching. Always looking happy and what Greg thought was in love. 

Niall has vague memories of arguments. Of waking up to find their da sleeping on the sofa and their mother crying into her cuppa once he'd gone to work. He remembers creeping into Greg's bed when he was scared and sad, and their loud voices became too much. 

He was five when their Ma sat them down and said she was leaving. Said they'd stay with her for a bit while their da got himself sorted out. Then it was getting used to being shuffled between their home in Mullingar and the little cottage at the back of their mum's Great Aunt Niamh (the only relative still talking to her). That was right up until before Niall started secondary school, when they were asked where they wanted to call home. Niall still believes they broke her heart a little the day they waved her off as they stayed with their Da. 

Even though she ended moving to Dublin, they still saw her a lot. She was, and still is as much a figure in both their lives. They were both standing there watching as their da walked her down the isle to marry the man who carried an M upon his heart. Billy wasn't a William. He was the one his mums soul searched out.

 

**< 3**

Niall's had a certain kind of experience with soulmates that he can share with some of the others in his band. It's different for Liam and Zayn. Liam's parents met when they were sixteen, and Zayn's just before they turned twenty one. They're the perfect kind of poster couple for anyone that doubts true loves mark. 

Harry and Louis are different though. They're all children of broken relationships. Harry's mum had a wild heart much like Louis and Niall's own. Harry's parents divorced when he was seven and Louis' mum never married, preferring to keep her heart open for any form of love that came along. Louis doesn't like to talk about it. He's seen enough of what her attempt at running from The Fates has done. He's seen how people cross the street so as not to walk anywhere near their family. Heard the not so softly spoken whispers, about not befriending him or his sisters because they could be like his mum. _Unbelievers the lot of them._

It's no surprise that Louis wears a patch over his birthmark, never takes it off. It's something not all of them can understand. Harry believes whole heartedly in The Fates, now that he's seen what heartbreak can be caused when you don't. Niall isn't so sure. He knows his parents experienced happiness, that they had to have felt some sort of love. It's why he took up wearing a patch of his own just before he left for Dublin to give this singing TV show a crack. 

It's probably why he found himself bonding with Louis so fast.

For while there has always been a Harry and Louis, a Lou and Haz, Niall also has his shared moments with Louis. Times when they creep into each other's bunks to talk about love and what Harry's heart starting to darken and take shape means so early on in his life. Niall loves having Louis there to share his thoughts, someone who feels the same about the marks on their chests. Someone who wants to search out for what their hearts desire before giving in to The Fates final goal.

All three do share a lot of similar experiences and thoughts which is probably what makes them close in the beginning. Harry with his idealism, Louis and Niall with their hidden marks and locked away hearts. That all begins to change, though. Louis becomes more Harry's as the show goes on and they're still there week after week. 

"Did you hear what Louis said though? That he'd marry Harry? The fans are gonna go mental for that!" Zayn says, leaning back against the wall on the lone single bed. 

Niall joins him, snuggling up to Zayn's side as he lifts his arm to bring Niall in. He settles quickly. Zayn may be the boniest of the lot of them, but he's always up for a good cuddle. Although, most of the time it turns into Zayn having a kip on your shoulder instead. 

"They were just havin' a laugh though, right?" Liam is pacing the floor, picking up bits and bobs from the unending mess that seems to litter there floor constantly. He sounds worried - but that's nothing unusual. Liam worries about everything.

Niall feels Zayn shrug under his cheek, snuggles in a bit closer because he hates talking about Lou and Harry when they're not here. Feels wrong. 

"'Course they were, Liam," Zayn stretches out Liam's name all slow and syrupy, his accent elongating the vowels. He reaches out with his foot, toes pointed, tapping Liam's thigh. "You know he only said it to stir things up. Likes to live on the edge, our Louis does." 

Liam shakes his head, Bieber fringe sliding messily across his forehead until he sweeps it back into place. "Your right," he says flopping into the bed beside Zayn. "It's just they're already making people talk with how touchy they are, and Harry being so young, and Louis having his heart covered."

Niall frowns, feeling a little put out because he has his covered, too. They'd both been honest about it from the beginning. Jumping around shirtless when they'd been on the beach in Marbella. There'd been a little discussion on them perhaps changing their minds on having them covered. Public position on "hiding your soul mark" was mostly leaning toward the negative, but the boys stood their ground. Louis speaking for them both, saying he'd go to the media if anyone tried to make him change his mind by force, and that was the end of that really. 

Their covers _had_ received a little notice, but with the multitude of fans wanting to do the same, and the largest specialty made covers company injecting money through advertising into the show, any real concerns faded away. There was one rather vocal group against them, but with the overwhelming force of their ever expanding fan base, Simon wasn't worried. And if Simon wasn't worried, neither should they be. Which is exactly what Niall pipes up and reminds the other two lads.

"Harry's only sixteen Liam, barely knows if he likes birds or boys. It'll be fine." Niall doesn't need to add that he feels that way himself. They'd all been honest and open about who they were into back at Harry's dad's bungalow. No one was closed off to any sex, not when you couldn't be certain just who your letter eventually referred to.

Liam hums, frown marring his forehead as he sniffs a particularly rumpled shirt before throwing it to the pile that Niall assumes could do with a wash. Or a blowtorch. 

"They'll probably end up with each other. Even me mum thinks so," Zayn says, fingertips tip tapping up and down over Niall's arm. Niall's stomach dips and he snuggles further into Zayn's side. He hates it when they talk about the other two like this. It's like they forget Niall's got a cover on his chest, too. That he doesn't know if he believes life is as certain as what The Fates decide.

Liam nods, but he's already lifting up a hoodie that Niall thinks belongs to Harry, smiling when he finds his Superman shirt underneath. His smile soon fades as he turns it over to find what was once a banana peel stuck right over the S, now rotted into some sort of black mess. 

"I'll bloody murder him!" Liam mutters, calling Louis' name as he storms out of the room leaving Zayn and Niall chuckling in his wake. 

Niall sighs a bit too loud once they've stopped laughing a few moments later. What Liam said hasn't been sitting right, making him feel a little out of sorts. 

"What's wrong Nail File?" Zayn asks, using that stupid nickname Louis gave him the other week when they'd all had a bit to drink and he was playing with Harry's curls, seeing how big he could fluff them out. Zayn scoots them down the bed when Niall shrugs, gets them lying on their sides with Niall's back against the wall. It's mostly comfy, if it wasn't for the lumps of things indescribable that lie under the hastily pulled up duvet earlier that morning, it would be better. 

Niall hums something non descript, focuses on the black stud Zayn's wearing in his ear today. His mouth feels dry and his stomach twisty but he doesn't know why. 

"This about what Liam said?" Zayn's rubbing his fingertips in the soft hairs at the nape of Niall's neck. It's comforting and caring in a way that Niall's come to expect from Zayn since the whole X Factor thing started. He likes that he can always count on Zayn for a cuddle, no questions asked. We'll, not the ones that count.

"Sort of," Niall hedges, leaning into Zayn's touch. "Just lonely I guess. Liam's got that thing with Danielle and you're whatever with Rebecca and Harry has well," he leads off, Louis' name a lump in his throat. 

"I'll be fine."

Zayn lets out this long sigh, the pads of two fingers sliding down Niall's jaw, gripping soft at his chin, making Niall look up. 

"You know we all love ya, mate." Zayn's toffee coloured eyes are hard to focus on with him this close and Niall nods because he knows they do. He just wishes a bit, sometimes, that it was a slightly different kind of love he found himself a part of.

"I could-" Zayn begins but whatever comes next is cut off with the arrival of Louis slotting himself forcibly between them, an animalistic yell announcing his arrival. 

Niall finds himself with some of Louis hair In his mouth and a few bony bits pushed into his softer parts that sort of hurt a lot. Zayn and Niall both curse his name, but they shuffle around so Louis' in the middle on his back with Zayn and Niall curled around him on either side. It's probably a good thing they're all so bloody skinny they can fit. 

"What's going on here then? You two looked like you were about to have a bit of a kiss, did I interrupt?" 

"Would you care if you did?" Zayn asks, a hint of something like humor in his tone.

Louis blows a breath up from his mouth, dislodging part of his fringe that's fallen over the bridge of his nose and his left eye. The right looking a brighter blue for it. 

"Only if we didn't take turn about. Like a good snog, I does," Louis answers in a horrid cockney accent that Niall can't help but laugh at. He always finds himself giggling even at Louis' worst jokes. Probably what makes Louis tell more of them, knowing he has Niall as an avid audience to push him on. 

Louis turns a little and smiles with a little too much teeth, a look Niall's grown to be a tiny bit scared of as the outcomes are always a little worrying when he's seen it before. 

"What's wrong with ickle Nialler, then?" He asks, with a mock frown. 

"Nothing," Niall says quick, just as Zayn answers with a far too truthful, "He's lonely. Bit mardy we've all got someone to get off with and he's not had a go with anyone,"

Niall's face heats as he squawks in return, "Not true! I kissed Aiden and Mary!" 

Zayn laughs and Louis eyes bug a bit as he pokes at Niall's tummy, right below his bellybutton. 

"One, they don't count. Aiden was to get Matt jealous which backfired utterly seeing as Matt's already met his soul mark. Two, Mary was a peck on the cheek and she's old. And three," he pauses, his finger ceasing its jabbing into Niall's belly as he makes each point. "Three, that's just well sad mate. Practically pathetic seeing as your in a band with four other lads who are as single they come."

"You have Hannah," Niall says, then before he can stop himself, adds, "and Harry."

Louis' brow raises and he licks over his lips making them shiny and pink in the light from the window. They'd pushed it open wide earlier to air some of the stench of man boy out, it hadn't really helped. "You jealous there, Nialler. 'Cause all you have to do is ask."

Niall can make out Zayn giggling to the side and, Christ, if he wasn't so squashed against the wall he could have escaped this conversation by now. "No, I'm not. I'm fine I was just,"

"It's alright, mate. The first one is always the hardest." Niall's confused by what Louis means. He doesn't have much time to contemplate it though, what with Louis' hand wrapping hot around his neck, pulling Niall down as he leans up. Their lips brush soft at and at an off angle until Louis grips Niall's hair harder, tilting his head until they're proper snogging. 

There's no tongues or anything and it's over before Niall can really participate or _consider_ becoming an active partner. When Louis pulls back, it's with a much softer grin than Niall would ever have anticipated. His hand is light as it slides around from the back of Niall's head, his thumb brushing almost tenderly over the apple of Niall's cheek, heating his skin even more so. 

"Not so bad was it?" He's looking at Niall in a way that warms Niall's entire body from his toes up. It stirs something in his chest too, something he's not felt before and it kind of burns a bit. 

"No," Niall says just as softly as Louis spoke before. It wasn't bad. It really wasn't long enough for Niall to put a reaction to and he thinks about saying that but Louis is leaning in again. Niall puckers up in preparation, only to feel slightly heated as Louis lips smack loud on his cheek instead. 

"Let me know when your in the mood next, Malik," he says to Zayn as he rolls himself up and off the bed, mostly over Zayn who pushes at him which helps more than hinders all that much. He bounces to his feet anyway, saluting them both as he straightens. "More than glad to be of service!" 

He grabs one of Zayn's shoes and sprints off out the door with Zayn not a second behind him. Niall can hear Louis calling Liam to come save him as he goes. It's probably not the best name to be yelling through the house, considering Liam's probably still after him for ruining his shirt. Then again, Louis doesn't know that.

Niall stares at the bunk beds opposite for a bit, running his tounge over his lips. They tingle, almost as if he can still feel Louis' touch. His body still feels strange and out of sorts, a sort of humming that he can feel not hear, like a reverb through a speaker that centres near his heart. It was only a kiss and a pity one at that, and he knows Louis means well. They've all snogged each other while they've been locked in this house it's just. . . It never felt like this before.

Niall shakes it off, stumbling off from the bed when he hears Louis let out a war cry, figuring Liam can use all the help he can get. It was a mate thing, that's all.

Still, it's days before he finds himself not unconsciously touching his lips.

 

**< 3**

 

He doesn't think on the kiss much. Doesn't have time to, really, what with the last few weeks until the final being the most hectic yet. They all get to visit their home towns - except Niall - bloody bad weather keeping them in the UK and even the TV hookup they perform on isn't the same as seeing all the other lads faces light up when they play in front of hundreds of home town fans. He gets a bit upset about it. Tries not to, because there's nothing to be done about weather when they've got such a tight schedule. 

He might be a bit sadder than he thinks he looks on the outside when Harry creeps into his bed that night. He doesn't say a word, just curls up behind him and holds him tight. He manages not to cry right up until he has Louis settling at his front, running his hand through Niall's hair like he remembers his mum doing when he was young. Back when he had a mum and a da that lived in the same house. He isn't surprised to feel the bed dip twice more. Waking in the morning to Liam falling off the side with a creative curse that has them all laughing and Zayn telling them to shut up and let him kip a few minutes more.

The others all make a move to get the day started, with someone from security banging on the door. Louis gives him one last hug, his lips a quick press to Niall's own before he gets up. "That's your second one for free, Nialler. Next your going to have to ask."

Niall laughs and shoves him off, heading to the shower while Zayn sleeps on undisturbed. He thinks nothing of the warm tingle under the patch covering his soul mark. Doesn't have time to, with their door being banged on again and having to wake Zayn up. He's so lucky to have fell in with these boys. These four other lads that already feel more like brothers than even his own does on occasions like this. Maybe that's what his chest tingling is all about. Finding a sort of love with more than one person can surely be enough to grow your heart. Prepare it for a future of a perfect love.

There's so much to do in the final days before they shoot the last results show before the finale. Vocal training, costume fitting, styling their hair and trying to fit in sleep when they can. He forgets about being annoyed he couldn't get home. Forgets about his heart and Louis kissing him twice now and anything but practicing their bloody songs. They record Forever Young in a real studio and it's fucking mad, makes them all want to get through just a little bit more. 

They're bouncing with nerves before they walk out in the results show. Simon's mentioned to them not to worry if their name isn't called. If they all want it enough, things will work out. Louis says that Simon's said something similar to his own mum. Harry mentions he overheard Simon discussing Harry needing a guardian if he's to live in London after the show and he and Louis share a look that Niall isn't sure he's meant to see. All soft and almost sweet. It's all very exciting and Niall feels sick about it, but in that way he did before he stepped on stage in front of the judges all those months ago in Croke Park. They'll be in the final. He's sure of it. 

They lose.

Well, they come third, and it's fucking hard to hear their name not called out but they move on. They take solace in each other and their families and it feels weird when they head home for Christmas, the first time in ages that they've spent so much time apart. They text each other a bit and Harry calls a few times so it's not like they're utterly out of touch. 

Then it's back to London and signing a record deal that just about blows all of their minds. The X Factor tour has them in rehearsals and everyone from the house is back for that which means lots of noise and fun. Louis gets them into strife more than not, with his pranks and encouraging Harry to get into mischief which more often than not, drags Niall in, too. 

It's a craic, though. When they're all on stage together and the crowd is fair screaming their name or singing along with them, it's almost too easy to imagine this life ahead of them all. They share rooms, splitting into twos and threes with the third person in the other twin share having to make do with a cot which isn't that great, but they make do. 

Well, Niall, Zayn and Liam make do. Louis and Harry share the double most nights or if they're not assigned the room they beg off one of the others to swap. Liam's given up on worrying about it and Zayn just shrugs. Niall's opinion isn't asked for. . . But then again he doesn't really have one. How can he, with how Harry lights up around Louis and Niall knows that the birthmark on Harry's chest is darkening. 

Harry walks around naked enough for the whole world to see, even if it weren't caught on camera every time they have an interview. Sugarscape think it's a laugh to see how many times they can make him have heart eyes at Louis whenever they catch up. Last record count was thirty one and they were only with them for half an hour.

Tour ends and it doesn't stop, they're flying out to LA for recording their first album and there's this wall of sound and girls _everywhere_ when they walk out. Niall feels his chest go tight and it's only Louis hand around his wrist and Zayn at his back that stops him from a full blown panic attack. They know he has issues with crowds and to think, this is them just flying in to sing in a booth and nothing else. 

It's tiring though, and he finally manages to nab a room to himself this time, Syco splashing out and getting them two doubles and a single for while they're out. Probably wanting to show them a bit more love with how well the X Factor tour did with them and the crazy response to how their "winning song" was when it was "leaked." Matt still hasn't talked to any of them after that. Like it's their fault they're as popular as they are. It wasn't like they made the decision to release the song. 

They'd been recording all day and he fucked up more times than he could count, though Liam probably could. He's the reason Niall has a room to himself tonight. Just looked at Niall when they'd got back to the hotel with their new security guy/caretaker, Paul, and handed him the lone key, taking the double with Zayn. He's planning on making full use of the rooms services, ordering up a burger and some stupid big sundae the hotel is apparently known for and watching whatever crap movie is on until he falls asleep. All of that though, comes second to a hot shower and a good, long, wank. 

Niall's only managed to get the food in and start taking his clothes off when there's a knock at the door. He considers not answering it, pretending he's already in the shower, but there's only five other people it could possibly be so it's probably for the best that he puts his wank in hold a little longer. He doesn't bother pulling his shirt on, just trudges to the door after switching the tap off. He opens the thing, and it's only because of how wet Harry's eyes look that Niall lets him in without a word. 

Harry slumps down face first on the bed after walking straight in past Niall. He shuts the door with a sigh, because he seen Harry like this before, but that was before he got to know him as well as he does now. Back then, it took hours to figure out the source of the problem. Niall doesn't even need a minute now. 

He lies down beside Harry on the bed, curled to his side but not touching. Not yet. Sometimes Harry likes his space and Niall knows when he's ready, Harry'll get close. 

"What's Louis done now," he asks softly, the answering sniffle not unexpected. 

Harry shrugs, and mumbles something into the bedding. Niall combs his fingers through Harry's curls, "Words, Harry."

Harry kicks his feet a bit but rolls to Niall's side, face still mostly hidden by his hair. "He said no. He keeps saying no and now he said not until we're living together."

"No about what?" Niall asks, feeling a bit lost, because it's so very unlike Louis to say no to anything Harry asks. And vice versa.

Harry's cheeks pink up as he groans lightly. "About sex. He won't have sex with me. He kept putting it off and putting it off and distracting me with his mouth and now we're here in the hotel and still nothing."

Niall feels Harry's admission like a sock to the gut. He's just assumed - they'd all assumed - that Harry and Louis _were_ having sex. Lots of it, from the sounds they'd all picked up on while they shared a room in the house and in cupboards and things when they'd toured with the show. Aiden had jokes about them being the most annoying rabbits he knew. 

This is, we'll, this doesn't make a lot of sense. Which is what he tells Harry. "But you tease each other about it, Lou saying how good you get him off and you going red even though we all know your the bloody least prudish of the lot of us,"

Harry swipes his fringe back from his face, revealing tear wet cheeks and eyes so red around the rims it reminds Niall of Christmas with the green so big in the inside. "We get each other off, Niall. I mean sex sex. You know," he leads off and Niall just blinks because he's always though sex _was_ getting off. Mutually.

Harry rolls onto his back and throws his arm over his eyes. Niall feels very stupid all of a sudden as Harry licks over his lips, as if he's trying to find the words to make Niall understand. 

It hits Niall a few seconds later and he blurts it out, heat flooding his cheeks as he does. "Do you mean bumming? Like you haven't taken it, or given it?"

Harry nods, eyes still hidden which is a good thing for how wide Niall's own probably are right now. He laughs light, but it sounds mostly fake to his own ears. "Jesus, Harry. I thought this was something bloody serious like you'd broken up." 

Harry's frowning, Niall can tell by the downturn of his lips. "That's the other thing. He won't say that either. Like, I don't care if we can't be together in the press and all because of the album and the band. But amongst us? Just us, and maybe our mum's? He thinks it's not a good idea. The less people that know the less it'll look like we're lying in the end."

Niall doesn't know what to say or do. He feels all twisty on the inside talking about something so private. Such a delicate part of who Harry and Louis are when it comes to each other.

"I get it. I do. I don't want to lie about what I want in a relationship or about being single and I know that Louis thinks this will help with that but," he sobs a bit and Niall can see two fat tears chase each other down the side of Harry's cheek. "I just want him, you know? If I can't be honest with anyone else, I just want to have that with him and he won't even give me that." 

Niall reaches out then, lays his hand on Harry's elbow, runs his thumb over the knob of bone there. 

"I just want him to love me like I love him, and not give a fuck about what our chests say when we're twenty one. I want Louis so much, why can't he want me in return?" He sobs the last line, rolling on his side and into Niall, who wraps his arms around Harry tight letting him cry to near exhaustion. 

Niall strokes his hand over and over Harry's back and side until Harry's little wuffly snores take over from chest wracking hiccough like sobs. Niall rolls onto his back, Harry following close and snuggling down on his chest. He looks at the ceiling and let's everything Harry said sink in. 

He's always known how protective of Harry Louis is. How he wants to shield him from as much shit as they all wade through as possible, but this seems a step too far. Nothing of what Harry wants seems that unreasonable. He knows Harry will have thought out the angles as much as Louis would in return. He knows Harry's soul mark is darkening, that it means he's experiencing proper love that will prepare him for his soul mate in the end. It can happen through friendships but never as fast and as pure as it does with a real connection. Niall had to replace his patch a week ago and noticed his own taking a bit more shape, he's kind of thankful he won't be able to see it again for another six months.

It's stupid that Louis won't even consider giving them a label amongst the band. That he won't even let Harry have that, especially with the way their mums have basically figured it out and given their blessing. Why would Anne let Harry move in with Louis when they're back in London proper mid year if she didn't?

It's bloody ridiculous is what it is, so he shuffles out from under Harry, patting his curls one last time before slipping his shoes on. He's got his key in his mouth shrugging on a hoody that smells like Zayn as he struggles with the handle, coming face to face with Louis as he opens the door. 

"Is Harry-" he starts, but Niall's shutting him off quick, stepping them both just outside and hopefully out of anyone's ear shot. 

"Harry's asleep. What are you playing at, Lou?" Niall asks, staring down Louis who looks just as broken as Harry did when he came knocking at the start. 

His blue eyes are rimmed in red and he hasn't shaved today. His cheekbones are hidden by a scruff that Niall is occasionally jealous of. He's barely grown three hairs on his chest. He still feels like such a boy compared to Louis and Zayn. Even Liam's able to get a bit of a mustache going. No wonder they all refer to him as the baby of the band when really, that title belongs to Harry. 

Louis scuffs his feet in the carpet, looking up at Niall through dark lashes. "What did he tell you?"

"That you won't take what you are to each other seriously. That you won't just listen to your heart."

"That's the problem, though." Louis sighs. "He's seventeen, Niall. How on earth can he be so sure of what our hearts want? It won't be long and I'll be twenty one and what'll he do if his H doesn't come up? What if it's a W or an N or something? Can't we just have this and be happy until we're not?"

Niall hears Louis concern but he also picks up on Louis worry that Harry might not end up with an L on his chest just as loud. Louis' scared and Niall gets it, he does. 

Still doesn't exactly explain why he finds himself throwing a punch to Louis shoulder before he realizes he's moving at all. 

"What was that for?" Louis asks, rubbing at his arm while Niall shakes out his hand, knuckles already aching. They'll probably bruise and fuck, he was going to play acoustic tomorrow. Try and convince the execs he could do it on their album. Be more than just part of a five part harmony of voice. 

"Your a bloody twat, that's what. Your twenty first is years away and all Harry's asking for is what anyone would. Everyone has relationships before they find out their heart mark. Your bloody supposed to try things out, let your heart darken up so your ready for The Fates to show their final card."

Louis shrugs, raising his eyes back to Niall's. "I know that. I know. But I already love him so much, I don't know if I can take it if his letter doesn't come up. I've seen how broken that can leave you, Niall. I only have to take one look at my mum."

Niall's brow furrows. He's not heard this before. He thought Louis mum was just wild, let no one control her heart. Louis takes a step back, slides down the wall and brings his knees up to his chest, in effect hiding himself from Niall. He looks so small. Niall steps over and sits down beside him, mirroring his position, waiting for Louis to continue as their elbows brush. 

"My dad, like, the proper one, not Mark." He starts, voice soft. "Mum was sure his heart was going to come up with her J. He even told her it didn't matter what it was, she'd given him a son. Nothing would break them up." 

Niall hums, this part sounds awfully familiar. Makes him wonder why Louis didn't say anything before when Niall has explained about his own family. Makes him wonder why it's so important now. 

"He walked out the day his letter showed up. Mum woke up to me cryin' and all dad's stuff was gone. Then Mark came along and she thought it would be better. That it didn't matter that their letters didn't match up because he had her J and she loved him enough. Look how that worked out." He laughs and it's heavy, laced with hurt. "She's never let herself love proper again, you know. Told me it's not worth the pain when they walk out. When they realize you're not the one."

Niall wraps his arm around Louis shoulders who stays tense for a moment before leaning into Niall's touch. "It's not always like that, Louis. Look at my mum,"

"And look at your dad, Niall. Has there been anyone since your mum left?"

Niall shakes his head, knows there hasn't. He and Greg worry about it a bit, but it's their dad. He's young. He's got plenty of time to find the one. 

"I don't want that for Harry. I don't want to hurt him." 

_"Or get hurt yourself"_ Niall thinks.

"Only, you already have done." He says instead, because it's the truth and Niall feels a little heart sore himself talking about all of this. Makes him feel even more shut off and alone every though he's sitting right here beside Louis. Has Louis in his arms. 

"I know," Louis whines and turns his face into Niall's neck, nuzzling in. His stubble tickles against Niall's skin. "I'm being stupid about this, aren't I?" he huffs.

"Yes, you are," Niall answers, jabbing his elbow light into Louis side. "Right bloody tit."

Louis lets out this long breath, still stuck close enough to Niall that he can feel its warmth flow down his chest. He sounds so sad and confused and all Niall wants to do is make it better. Make Louis feel better. It's just hard when the one thing that probably would sort it all, is lying on Niall's bed not more than ten feet away from them. If only Louis would bloody man up and just take what they have, for while they have it and let it be enough.

"Lou-" he starts, not exactly sure of what else he can say, but then Louis looks up at him, tilts his face toward Niall and their lips are brushing soft, once, twice. Louis pulls away, something faint and pink raising on the bare part of his cheek where whiskers won't grow.

Niall's heart is racing. His whole side where Louis is pressed against feels as if it's lit up with sparks like the one time some truck hit the cables outside his house and ripped them from their sockets, bright white shards of light in the dark of a night sky. 

"Sorry," Louis says, rubbing both hands over his face, hiding his eyes from Niall. "Sorry. I shouldn't have. I'll go. I'll talk to Harry. Sort this out."

"Okay." Niall nods, looking at the wall opposite. Anywhere but at Louis now. The sparks are still there, zapping away under his skin, fading as Louis stands and walks away, closing the door to Niall's room quietly. Probably so as not to wake Harry. 

Fuck. Harry. Niall's stomach turns and his chest aches, this sharp heated sting, as if someone's pushing at a bruise. He runs his right hand over it, pushing at the cover of his soul mark. It's probably the glue settling or something. It can take a while to bond proper to your skin. 

Niall doesn't think about how he changed it weeks ago. There really wouldn't be any pain from it now. 

He heads down to the lads shared room, knowing that Liam will probably have Louis and Harry's spare key. He likes that his mates, these near brothers of his can come to him with their problems. Think that somehow Niall will be able to sort them out. He just wishes he didn't always end up feeling so very alone after he's done so.

Liam's on the phone to Danielle when he answers their door, doesn't ask any questions when Niall wants the key. Niall leaves quickly and feels worse when he walks into their room. The beds unmade, sheets pushed around like they'd rolled around in it and we're going to come back. Probably were. There's even a tube of lube and a brand new pack of condoms sitting on the bedside table. Harry must have been hopeing for something else tonight. It makes Niall's stomach twist. It feels too personal to be in here now. Too much like he's wandered into the scene of the crime so to speak. 

He takes an extra blanket from the cupboard and the last pillow, curls up on the sofa and avidly ignores the bed. He flicks the TV on, for background noise and to get his mind off things, and finds himself grinning because Louis gone and changed the language to Spanish, knowing it'd piss Harry off. It's fine for Niall though, he understands enough that he can follow along until he falls asleep.

He's woken the next morning by flailing limbs and a face full of curls. A very excited Harry is mumbling his thanks all over the bits of Niall's face he can reach with sloppy kisses. 

"What are you thanking me for?" Niall finally manages to ask, Harry basically pinning him to the sofa, a heavy weight above. 

Harry's grinning like a loon, dimples deep and his green eyes that looked so sad yesterday are now fair shining with happiness. 

"You. You did something to Louis," he says and Niall swallows hard, instantly remembering the kiss in the hallway.

"Harry-"

"No," Harry cuts him off with one of his hands over Niall's mouth. "I don't care what it was, because it worked. He said when we move in together, we tell our mums. That we see how the album goes before we go public or whatever, which, like, I understand because it's better if we all look single and available. But it's something, _we're_ something!" He grins, smacking another kiss to Niall's cheek.

He sounds so happy and excited that Niall can't help but pick up on it too, ignoring that sharp pang in his chest. He wants this for Harry, for them both. It's probably just jealousy that he doesn't have anything like it for himself. Like Harry said though, looks better if they don't have attachments. It's why Louis ended things with Hannah before they headed to LA. Then again, he hadn't really been with her since boot camp so it wasn't as if it weren't expected on both parts. 

"Oh and the sex thing? We sorted that, too." Harry's says, cheeks flushing red quick and fast, the colour chasing down his throat. He shakes his curls out of his face, combing them back with the hand that was on Niall's mouth. 

"Tonight's the night, yeah?" Niall teases, gets his hand out from under the blanket to poke Harry in the side. 

He shakes his head, curls flying. Everywhere as he wriggles back, pressing his face above Niall's heart. "No. Last night. I owe you some lube, mate. Might have made a bit of a mess of your sheets, too."

Niall laughs, this loud sound that fills the room as he pushes Harry off, sending him tumbling to the floor. "Dirty bastards, now housekeeping are going to think I'm the sex fiend."

"If this album does well enough, girls will be throwing themselves at you, mate. Think of all the pussy you'll be getting!"

Niall throws a pillow at his head and Harry falls backwards once more. "Or cock, whatever you feel like, Niall. Whatever you want."

Niall isn't sure of what he wants. Only that their album sells and maybe they get at least a taste of being proper musicians before people forget about them as "that boy band on that tv show. Had a cute one with curly hair and an Irish lad."

It's all he can really hope for.

 

**< 3**

The album doesn't just "do well." 

They're bloody selling like hot cakes and the single goes mental. Number one in so many countries Niall can't even keep up with the number, they've given up on marking it out on their world map they'd pinned in the bus while they've been on tour.

Because that's also a thing that's happening. 

Their own bloody arena tour.

It's mad is what it is, and most days they're so busy rushing from here to there it feels like they'll never have their feet on solid ground again. 

It all gets a bit mental when they're touring at home. Screaming girls and having underwear thrown on stage, cakes baked with their faces on them, more carrots for Louis. It's crazy and brilliant and Niall isn't sure if he's stops laughing or smiling, or doing both at once, since he packed a bag and joined the lads on the tour bus. 

They release Gotta Be You before they start touring, and it doesn't do half as well as What Makes You Beautiful. They all aren't that surprised, what with the utter nineties boyband feel the clip had, especially with them fawning over the girls they hired for it. It didn't feel like _them_ which is something all five are starting to slowly figure out. 

Louis and Harry hold an epic New Years party, disappearing just before midnight to kiss alone somewhere or something along those lines. "Gotta do at midnight what you want to be doing for the rest of the year, young Nialler," Louis had said. "And I plan on doing wicked things to my Harold."

Niall doesn't ask any further questions. 

Crowds get bigger as they finish up in Belfast with Harry coming back to Mullingar for a bit while Louis catches up with his family. It's nice being back home, seeing his friends and showing Harry around. He misses it though, how loud London is and the bustle of having something to do near hourly. He heads back earlier than planned with Harry, jumps right back into his life there and doesn't see Harry and Lou for a week. They're "too busy catching up" they say, when Niall and the other lads ask them to come out for a pint. 

It's hardly surprising. 

Niall had to hear all about how loved up they are from Harry while they were sharing his room back at Niall's dads. He now knows far more about sex between two lads than he ever thought he'd have to. It made Niall feel happy and achey all at the same time. He was so very glad two of his best mate had such a . . . healthy relationship. But also, a little heart hurt that he didn't have anything of the sort for himself. Niall messed about a bit with an old girlfriend when they were at home, but nothing more than mutual getting off with hands alone. 

The day they get told that they're expanding the tour to include Australia, New Zealand _and_ America. . . they all get absolutely shit faced. It's a bit dumb, because they have an interview the next day but they're "professionals" now so they can handle it. Or at least Liam can, seeing he's only got one kidney and doesn't drink.

Everything seems to be going so well for them. Great tour. Great times. Fucking amazing friends and a force propelling them all into stardom that doesn't seem to be slowing down.

They're in New Zealand when it gets a bit rough. 

When Niall looks back on it later, when he thinks about when things really did start to go downhill, it's those few stupid drinks they had outside their hotel in Auckland that really sticks out. Not the drinks exactly, but the way Harry and Louis were with each other. All giggly drunk and singing stupid songs and touching each other in ways that should have probably been behind closed doors. It's that moment, the moment when Harry realised there was some fan with a camera phone and he turned Louis around at the last moment. Hugging him instead of the kiss they all know Louis was probably going for.

Louis sleeps in with Zayn that night. 

Harry curls up against Niall and they both pretend he isn't crying.

America makes things worse. They're supposed to be projecting this clean cut, wholesome boy band _look_ and the whole leaked video from Auckland isn't doing them favours. Harry and Louis disapear into a room with some of their PR people when they land and they both look whiter than ghosts when they come back out. They "tone it down" some. Well, in public they do. They're still all over each other when it's just them, just these five boys who are their own form of family when they're abroad. They've got to have each others backs, and they do. 

Liam's becoming a professional at heading off a line of questioning that might have Louis' snapping in reaction. Zayn gets more sleep and Niall bounces between all of them, just trying to keep everything going like before. Harry gets more tattoos. Louis gets more snarky in interviews, even more so when they ask about his birthday coming up. If he's looking forward to finding out who his "Soulmate" could possibly be. 

This one radio twat is relentless, somewhere in Tampa or Dallas (it still blows Niall's mind that they've visited these towns, cities. These places he never even heard of before). Keeps going on and on about how this part of the country has rules on dating before you're twenty one. On how important it is to wait until you have a letter on your chest to at least lead you to someone who could possibly be _the one_. How it's irresponsible for people to do things like, _move in together_ or have _long term relationships_.

He doesn't have to say who he's referring to for them to get it. The strangest part is, that Louis goes quiet, steps back behind Liam, making himself small. Niall laughs as Liam says something about being lucky his girl is touring as much as they are, never can be pinned down. Then this asshole asks about the love bites that they give each other - and by each other, it's really just Louis that does it the most. It's what cracks Harry in the end. 

This wanker is making Louis look like a tit because he covers his soul mark (Niall's not even mentioned. Then again, he never really is in these sort of interviews) and going on and on about relationships and things. None of them expect Harry to basically leap in front of the interviewer, to get his hands on Louis' face and shoulder, sucking a vibrant red mark on Louis' neck like some sort of bloody vampire. Louis pushes him off, good naturedly - they _are_ all supposed to be "single" this tour - and Harry looks bloody pleased as punch while Louis wipes at the mark, Liam pulling him in to his side. 

They don't talk at all on the ride back to the hotel.

They don't even sit together.

Harry goes out with Zayn that night. 

Niall isn't at all surprised to feel the bed dip beside him later on. He fully expects Harry to come join him once he finishes doing whatever it is that Zayn and Harry do when Zayn needs to disappear. When the attention on their lives becomes too much. What Niall _doesn't_ account for, is it not being Harry that slides under the covers, curling into Niall's side. 

He knows by the cold feet and the icy tip of a nose agains't his neck that it's Louis. Niall sighs out this deep breath he's taken in as he shuffles about, getting his arm around Louis as he snuggles in close. He doesn't ask why Louis is there. Louis' always been one to talk in his own time to open up when he was well good and ready. So Niall waits, just brushing his fingertips over the knobs of bone at Louis' neck and the top of his back. It's all that he can do with Louis basically curled over one side of his body how he is. 

He's nearly back off to sleep when Louis' finally opens his mouth. He speaks soft and quiet but there's this tone there. This cross between sad and hurt that's also laced with a sprinkle of worry. 

"I don't know what to do," Louis whispers against Niall's neck, his lips brushing warm against Niall's cool skin. He'd turned the air up before he'd gotten into bed after having read that a cold room would mean better, longer sleep. Niall needed that. 

"About what?" Niall asks just as quietly. He doesn't move his head, doesn't open his eyes, doesn't need to see Louis for this. He can hear how big this is for Louis to even admit without seeing the fear in his eyes. Because Niall knows it's there. He's spotted it more and more lately. This worry about what he and Harry are becoming. Of what they're losing themselves in when they shouldn't be. Not yet. Not with how everything is blowing up with the band. 

"I turn twenty one this year, Niall. Less than six months and I'll know what The Fates have decided." Louis fingertips are as cold as his lips as they skim this circuit over Niall's chest. Drawing patterns that only Louis can discern because Niall surely can't. Not with how he's riding this precipice between sleep and awake. More sleep than anything else. He'd just about been there when he'd heard Louis at his door. 

"They're right you know? The PR people?" 

Niall yawns through his answering, "What?" 

Louis buries his head against Niall's chest. "Me and Harry. They were right about having to tone it down. We're so bloody obvious and I can't. I can't keep leading him on like this when my heart doesn't come up with his letter on my birthday, you know? I can't do this knowing that my heart could be meant for someone else."

Niall hums, because they've talked about this before. It feels like they _always_ talk about it when they're alone. Not that they've been that a lot lately. Louis and his Harry nearly always attached. The others joke that they even piss together, they're that bloody close to being one mind in two different bodies.

Louis sighs. "Maybe. . . maybe I don't want to know what mine says. Like, what difference does it really make when it's just _one_ letter? We won't find out Harry's for ages and what if I have a H and he's not _my_ H? What if he ends up with an L, but I'm not _his_ L?"

Niall licks his lips, about to give Louis the same spiel he's given him before, but Louis' already continuing on.

"What does it matter what my heart mark says or what his does? What's the fucking _point_ of it all, when you could still end up on your own. Letter or not?" Louis sounds hollow, voice catching on every few words and Niall can feel a damp spot near his shoulder. Niall feels his stomach tense and there's that burning again where his soul mark resides. It's stupid that he's feeling something right now while Louis' falling apart. Not completely. Not utterly. But it could happen.

"The point is that you're allowed to fuck things up, Louis. You're allowed to get your heart broken and fix it and try again time over because that's what you're _supposed_ to do. The Fates put things in place to get us to where we need to be. To put us in each other's path." Niall rubs at Louis' back and Louis is quiet. He's quiet and his lips are still cold as they press against the curve of Niall's neck, his jaw. 

Niall turns on his side, his free hand resting on Louis' hip, just above his joggers, and pulls him in a little. Louis looks up and even with the slight amount of light from the moon outside the window - the blackout curtain was broken on one side, Niall couldn't get it completely over - Niall can see Louis' eyes. See the puffy skin surrounding them which means he's been out of sorts since they all paired off to their rooms when they'd got back from the interview. He's probably had this out with Harry one more time and then come in here to hide. He hates being alone, possibly as much as Niall does. Niall understands that feeling of wanting to just _have_ someone near better than anyone in this band. Maybe even Zayn.

"How'd you get so smart Niall?" Louis asks, voice barely above a whisper.

Niall shrugs, leaning in close and pressing his lips soft to Louis' once, twice, three times. Louis blinks and Niall feels the heat in his chest spill out, sliding through his veins as Louis leans up into the next kiss, makes it last longer. His hand feels like a weight on Niall's chest as Niall tightens his grip on Louis' hip, kissing Louis once more. They kiss until Louis falls asleep, all lines of concern and worry disappearing from his brow. Niall lays there for a bit, just watching. He wanted Louis to feel better. To feel like he could do things like this, kissing like they had, and have, in a purely mate fashion. It doesn't have to mean anything. Doesn't change whatever it is that's growing between Harry and Louis.

Except it does.

Niall tries not to think about what it felt like to kiss Louis. He tries to pretend that everytime Louis crawls into his bunk when they're on the road, it's because he wants to be close to his mate. Not that he's avoiding Harry and his sad eyes, like Harry's just waiting for Louis to break his heart.

They get through the rest of the tour, but it's strained at best when they're not on stage. Louis has Oli and Stan over from home and they get up to things that Niall isn't really a part of. Neither is Harry, so they end up spending a lot of time with each other and it's fine. Niall's used to playing ping pong between them. Like some little dog that a divorcing couple use as some tug of war that ends up in blood.

There's no blood. But there's not a lot else either. 

When they split up for the break, Niall makes sure they know to call him if they need. That he's not that far away. That they can both come to him, at any time.

The first he hears about this surprise party for Louis' twenty-first is when he's woke up by a very drunk, very emotional Harry at around four in the morning, UK time. 

"It's not. . . it's not mine. He keeps saying sorry and I tell him it's fine but it's not. It's not. I wanted it to be me and it's not and it's all so wrong. It's so wrong, Niall. Why aren't I his only one?" 

Niall doesn't know what to say. He's tried reasoning with Harry and Louis all this time and he's tried being there for them but it's a little hard right now. He's at his mum's place in Dublin, ready to head to Mullingar in the morning for the holidays. He's not a hotel room away, or a bunk bed on the bus.

"I'm so sorry, Harry." Is all he can say, over and over until Harry's quietened and Niall isn't sure if he's not just passed out and left the phone on. It wouldn't be the first time that'd happened. 

He's about to end the call, when Harry speaks again, soft and very quiet and so, so full of hurt. A pain Niall can't fathom. He hasn't been as lucky in the ways of his heart like Harry has done.

"I really thought it would be me, you know? I thought. . . I thought it'd be my H and we'd be okay. That all this shit we've gone through in the past year would be over with because he'd know. He'd know I was the one," he pauses, laughing, but it's not light like normal. It's awful and it's heavy and it sounds completely fake.

"I'll be fine. Of course I will," Harry says and he sounds like he's trying to convince himself of that. Niall rubs a hand over his chest cover and hums.

"'Course you will, Harry. You always are."

It only occurs to him hours later - once he's had a proper sleep and been shown around the town - that he never asked Harry about what letter _had_ turned up on Louis' front. 

 

**< 3**

Louis and Harry don't live together anymore. Louis bought a new place while they finished off the tour in the states, coming clean about it in an interview much to the surprise of the rest if them. One more than the others. He and Harry are broken up for good, both taking some time out to sort out how they can still do this whole band thing without their relationship or lack there of tearing them all apart. 

Niall'd never seen Harry so torn apart. He must have had some sort of hope though, right up until Louis' letter showed up. 

Niall hasn't heard much from Harry since that phone call. He knows Harry's staying at Ed's, kipping on his sofa for a bit unil he sorts out buying a place. Louis' been setting up his new house. Oli, Stan and a few other lads from home helping out. They all see each other at meetings and such, planning the next tour and sorting out merch and the like. Still, Louis is very standoffish, and Niall sometimes wonders if it's because Louis thinks Niall's taken sides. He's made sure to do things with both of them. Harry's birthday, football with Louis and Liam. 

He doesn't hear from Louis, though. Not personally. They've never been incredibly close, but he thought they were all finding their feet with each other toward the end of traveling in America. He thought that he and Louis had found their niche. Well, at least that's what he put the random kissing and sharing bunks down to. Maybe it was all just ways for Louis to distance himself from Harry. Maybe Niall didn't know Louis at all. 

It's why he finds it a little strange to open his door to Louis at something close to midnight the day before they're due to head to Leeds for more Take Me Home tour rehearsals. It's been raining out - near sleet because of this cold snap - Louis' got the cuff of his jacket turned up, soft wool lining pressed close to his scruff covered cheeks. His hair's bedraggled and dripping into his eyelashes, making him look like a drowned rat. Louis' smile is sort of normal as he shifts the rucksack he uses on tour over his shoulder. It's a bit of a balancing act, what with the lagers he's got under one arm and what smells like the Chinese from the shop they all used to buy from in a white plastic bag hanging from his fingertips of the other.

"C'mon Nialler, it's cats and dogs out here! Step lively!" 

Niall shifts out the way with a laugh, because he _always_ laughs around Louis. Louis heads to the living room and Niall ducks to the linen closet for a towel, stopping in his room for a clean shirt and some joggers that he thinks might have been Louis' once. Maybe Liam's. They always get their things so mixed up when they're away it's hard to tell who started out with what.

They don't talk about Harry. Not in the beginning. They discuss football and what the Rovers are up to and Niall tries to teach Louis a bit more about golf. He doesn't get very far. Golf has always been his and Harry's thing and Louis knows it. It's after midnight and Niall's trying not to yawn, but they do have rehearsals at some stupid o'clock up north and with the wether forecast for snow, so he's thinking it's time to call it a night. He's waiting on Louis, though. 

Louis, who is now working his way through a bottle of bourbon he had in his bag, a dash of coke in his glass apparant mixer enough. Niall knows from how quiet Louis is he's contemplating something. It can't be mischief, because his feet are still and he's not bouncing about like he did that time they all ran off from Paul, hiding on the roof of this studio so they could smoke up. No, this is too quiet and it's sort of worrying Niall. He hasn't asked why Louis has come. Not that Louis needs a reason because all the boys are welcome here, just like Niall is welcome at there's. Any hour, any day, any length of time. 

When Niall checks the clock again, it's a little before two which means if he heads to bed now, he might get four hours sleep in before he'll have to drive them both out. He shifts on the sofa, rubs at the twinge in his knee that plays up in wet weather and yawns once more. He really needs some sleep. He opens his mouth, about to remind Louis of the extra pillows in the cupboard that he knows Louis likes, when Louis clears his throat. 

"Nicholas Grimshaw has a H on his chest," Louis says, without any real tone. "Harry told me tonight. He was drunk and at some party thing with _him_ and thought I should know. Thought that it was really important that I be aware that he and Grimmy are fucking and he has a H on his chest and Harry's mark is filled up."

Niall doesn't say anything. Just sucks in this deep lungful of air letting it out slow. Nick and Harry have been mates for ages, Niall knows this. Louis knows this. It's why Louis has never really liked Nick, the easy way that Nick and Harry sort of fell in with each other. Still. Fucking? It almost seems too soon.

"Knew I wasn't wrong about him. Skeevy fuck," Louis spits out the words with venom and laughs. "Why'd he have to tell me, though? Does he think it'll make a difference? Does he. . . Does he think I didn't break my own heart when I broke his?"

Niall looks over and Louis swallowing down more of his drink, glass near empty. His hands shaking as he sets the glass on the coffee table. It slips out of his grasp in the last second, rolling over the tabletop and covering Louis phone and some paperwork Niall had out from Pablo on tour plans. 

"Oh fuck, shit." Louis says, standing the glass up but the damage is done. 

"Don't worry 'bout it, mate," Niall says, mopping up the mess with the corner of the throw rug he pulled over his lap an hour or so ago. "It's just a little mess."

Louis makes this sound and when Niall looks up, Louis sat with his head between his legs and his shoulders shaking. Niall's known Lou to cry before, but it never comes lightly. He's not one to be as outwardly emotional like Liam and Harry - even Niall on occasion. Niall knows tears when he hears them though, and this is Louis sobbing. 

"Hey. Hey, Lou. It's alright, mate. Nothing a bit of paper towel won't fix." Niall shuffles closer after putting Louis phone on a dry part of the table. They'll have to see if that rice trick Dermot raved on about works. 

He gets his hands on Louis knees, squeezing light. "Louis-" he starts, pausing as Louis raises his head and, Christ, Niall can read his hurt all over his face. It makes something twist in Niall's stomach, burns in his chest and he hates that Louis looks like this. Hates that Louis has to feel like this at all.

"It's not just a little mess though, is it? It's my bloody life and I've gone and fucked it up trying _not_ to fuck it up and it fucking _hurts_ , Niall!" Louis struggles to get out through more tears, eyes shining. 

Niall doesn't know what he can say. They've talked about what happened with their parents and trying to escape The Fates before. They've talked about hoping for that sign, something that says your doing the right thing before your hearts desire reveals when you're of age - like Liam and Zayn's parents. They've talked about everything but how it feels when you try and fail in the lead up. 

No one really talks about that. Niall isn't sure where he could even start. Not with how Louis is looking at him right now, broken and hurting. Niall hasn't a clue how to help. How to make things right.

"I never wanted to start something with him and he pushed and made it so easy and it hurts that it's not him written on my heart. It hurts that I can still feel so much and it not be right. That he's not my one." Louis is trembling as Niall fits his hands over the top of Louis, threads their fingers together. 

"The thing is. I think I always knew it wouldn't be. I think it's why I fought labeling us for so long." He blinks and a few more tears roll over his cheek. "I don't," Louis continues, softer. "I don't want to end up like my mum and just settle for what's there. I just want to feel good again, Niall. I don't like being alone."

He shudders in this breath and this snot bubble forms in one nostril as he tries for a smile that comes out ever so sad and wet. He's still so bloody lovely to look at, though. Brilliant blue eyes rimmed in red spiderwebs from how he's cried so much, lips a glossy rose as his tongue sweeps over chapped skin. So bloody lovely. 

Niall closes the distance between them before he realizes he's doing it. Captures Louis lips with his own, tasting salt on his tongue. He doesn't know how to tell Louis that it'll all work out. That he's not alone and that he _is_ loved - even if it's not exactly how he wants, or who. Niall still loves him, feels so much sometimes, for all of them, it's like it swallows him up. Louis is different, though. Niall doesn't kiss the other lads like this. He hasn't felt anything like this with anyone he's ever snogged. He pushes that thought away, as Louis leans in and his tongue swipes the seam of Niall's lips and Niall tilts his head a bit, letting Louis' in. 

He forgot how much he enjoys this. How good Louis is at kissing, so everything else that one second before mattered more than anything, is now completely lost in the background.

Niall let's go of Louis fingers, slides his hands up Louis' arms, over the soft hoody he's wearing. He cups Louis' jaw and rubs his thumbs over the scruff there, damp with Louis tears from before. He's not crying anymore, not doing anything but stare back at Niall, blinking slow as their kiss deepens, changes. Louis keeps pushing forward, gripping at Niall's joggers, pulling and twisting the fabric. It's sending sparks across Niall's skin flickering like the fizzing starts to bonfire night. It's wrong, it's wrong to want more than just a kiss. Especially when this started out just as a way to cheer Louis up. Remind him that he _is_ loved. 

It doesn't quite feel like that's entirely the point now. 

Not as Louis pulls with his hands on Niall's chest now, fucking his tongue into Niall's mouth. He's tugging Niall in and pushing himself forward as if he can't get enough, can't get near enough. It knocks Niall off balance, sending them both tumbling to the floor. Louis lips are at Niall's jaw and Niall's ever so thankful there was space between him and the coffee table, Louis turning them sideways as they fell. There's something pointy poking into his back - probably the remote - but it's what's above him that he's concerned about. 

Louis' stradelling Niall's hips, one hand at his neck, gripped tight in Niall's shirt, the other already under it, blunt nails scraping over his abdomen, skating over the ladder of bones under thin skin at his side. Louis' mouth won't stop moving, either. Sharp teeth at Niall's collarbone, soft wet lips dragging over his pulsepoint before sucking a mark at his jaw and then kissing him deep once more. Niall's blood feels like it's been set on fire, liquid heat pulsing through his veins with a fiery pit bubbling away low in his gut. He's never been this turned on so fast. Never wanted to be closer to someone so much. 

He grips Louis bum in his hands, squeezes hard and swallowing down Louis groan as he does. Niall knows a bit about what Louis likes in bed. For one, Louis likes to tell them things they really don't need to know. And the other, Harry is terrible when he's drunk. Would go on and on about what sounds he could get out of Louis when he's turned on enough. 

So Niall knows some things. Slips his thumbs under the waist band of the loose joggers Louis is wearing - definitely Liam's then - and pulls them down until the elastic is just under the curve of Louis' bum. Louis moans against Niall's shoulder as he gets his hands on Louis cheeks, fingertips spreading him slightly as he pulls Louis in hard. Louis collapses forward onto Niall, pressed flush together from hip to chest and, oh. Louis' just as hard as Niall is. Which is something new. Then again, this is further than they've ever gone before. Niall isn't sure that just snogging is going to be enough this time. This time, he wants something more. Maybe Louis does, too.

Louis groans, rocking against Niall and Niall finds himself grinding his teeth together in an effort to hold in his own sound. Louis leans up, fringe soft, still a little damp and clinging to his forehead as he looks at Niall. He searches Niall's face, bright blue eyes sharp, even with the skin puffy and almost raw looking from his earlier tears. 

Niall wants to say something. Wants to let Louis know how this is making him feel, or how much he wants it to be good for him. Wants to be good _for_ him. He can't find the words, though. Can't say anything and then Louis is kissing him again and any proper well made thought leaves his mind entirely. Niall's fingertips slide through Louis' hair and catch a bit, tugging on knots that maybe the sleet and a restless night before he came over have caused. Louis makes this cut off noise that goes straight to Niall's cock, kicking out a blurt of wet where he's barely concealed in his joggers. The elastic's a tight cut at the head; he's the sort of lad who never wears pants when he's home. It'd mean one more layer between him and Louis now if he did. From how Louis is grinding against him, it's obvious Louis is having similar thoughts. 

He bites at Louis full bottom lip, tugging it out and letting it pop back as he slides a hand between them. Louis crawls up a bit closer, his joggers sliding off easy as Niall pushes them down on one side, Louis helping on the other. It's all going so fast but not fast enough. He isn't processing anything other than how good it feels to have Louis touching him. Mouth on his skin, short beard rasping at his neck, fingertips loose around his cock. His eyes roll back and his breath catches with Louis first full stroke, and this is going to be embarrassingly short, Niall's on the bloody edge of coming already. And he'd had a good wank before breakfast, and again earlier in the afternoon after he'd had a kip in front of the telly. This is just what Louis does to him.

It's crazy. It's crazy that it's so good and it feels so right when this is _Louis_. This is Louis and he came to Niall because of Harry and he was _with_ Harry not that long ago. They may be broken up, but Louis is still _broken_ by how it all ended. Niall knows this. He knows that what they're doing is all sorts of wrong and stupid but Louis' hand feels too good. Niall's already pulling Louis' joggers down at the front, dragging his fingernails into the top of Louis' thighs as he does so, Louis' prick slappibg hard up against his belly. Niall finds Louis' lips, bites at them as much as kisses him in return, while Louis' twists his grip near the head and Niall bumps his knuckles against Louis' as he tugs Louis' off in a rush. The angles are awful but neither of them move all that much to make it any easier. They're both too goal orientated. Want to get each other off more than taking it slow and making it feel good.

Not that it doesn't, because Niall's choking on air as he tries to breathe and kiss Louis at the same time. Lips a mere brush against one another, drinking in each other's rushed, panted breaths. It's not that easy, with the way Louis keeps sucking in his bottom lip, snorting out these puffs of air as he bites down hard, white teeth pressed into wrecked red flesh and it's _such_ a turn on with both of them trying to say nothing at all. Niall tries not to think about what they're both trying hard _not_ to say. Who's name might be on the tip of Louis' tongue that has him biting it not to say out loud. 

Niall keeps a hand on Louis' bum, slips his fingertips between Louis' cheeks and grazes a dry finger over his hole as Louis spreads his legs further apart. It's an invitation of sorts, and Niall complies. He rubs at the tight furl of skin at his fingertips, never really pushing in but adding pressure all the same. Louis curses and presses his forehead to Niall's as he flicks his thumb over Niall's slit. Fuck, he's so wet from this, can feel it sliding between his legs, a sticky warmth on his balls. Louis' bucking into his touch and Niall's hand is near cramping from the position he's got his bloody arm in. He knocks into Louis' fist, gets a hand around them both with Louis' help and that's it. That's better than the begining sparks of Guy Fawkes night. This is right smack bang in the middle, sky lit up and smoke covering the ground as the sound of earth shaking explosions are going off. 

He comes with Louis' name on his lips, this breath that he barely releases but he doesn't think on it, not with how close Louis has to be. He's shaking, near vibrating above Niall, his head on Niall's chest, back curved like a cats as he fucks into Niall's fist, his own jizz covered hand dropped to the crease of Niall's thigh, wetting his skin. Not that Niall cares, it's his own jizz after all. Niall wishes they had of made the time to take Louis' clothes off, he'd have a near perfect view of Louis' spine right now, but alas he's only got the soft grey of Louis' hoody and his imagination to help out. Louis hips keep moving as he comes with a shout, spurting hot all over Niall's hand and adding to the mess on his stomach. He stills in the same spot for an age afterward. Which is fine, normally Niall likes to see his partners face after getting off. Likes to see what they look like when they come at the very least, but Louis' hidden this from him. He's hiding everything after being so honest and Niall isn't sure if he should worry about that or not.

Then again, he just got off with one of his best mates, his best mates ex boyfriend and his co band member at that.

If anyone should be fucking hiding right now it should be Niall.

Louis leans up eventually, getting a hand on the coffee table to the tissues where he balls a few up in his hand, cleaning off Niall and himself. He throws them somewhere toward the table which is very like Louis - always so concerned about hygiene - or _lack_ there of. He lies back on top of Niall, kisses him soft and tender and full of words they should be saying, or could be but aren't. Louis curls himself on top of Niall's chest, as Niall settles one hand on the small of Louis' back, the other around his shoulders.

They don't speak, don't have to, really, even though they should. 

They fall asleep on the floor for a bit. The sun's still not up when Niall wakes again as Louis shifts above him, standing and holding a hand out for Niall to get up. Niall leads them both, not really looking because he knows the way around this house now, and gets them both to his bedroom. They curl up under the covers with Louis against Niall's side like they have done so many times before. It's like bunk bed sharing on a deserted highway in god knows where America. It's like that night on the X Factor tour and the first time back at Harry's dad's bungalow.

It's like a lot of things, and it settles the ache that Niall never realised was still there, under the cover of his soul mark. It's this stillness, this ease that has him falling asleep once more.

When they get to rehearsals, after Niall drives and Louis sleeps (or pretends to), Louis' phone rings and he walks around a corner, hidden from view. Niall sighs, rubbing at his chest, telling himself it doesn't hurt. He puts the kettle on at the little kitchenette, fusses about with tea bags because he feels like a coffee but there is none. Just Louis' Yorkshire bloody Gold. Niall's about to make a cuppa, when this monkey like _thing_ drapes itself all over his back, chin hooked over his shoulder. Niall can smell booze on his breath as these arms wrap around his middle, holding him tight. 

"Niall. I did a bad thing," Harry says, whispers whiskey stale and warm against Niall's neck. Niall tries to act normal, but the thing is he got off with Harry's ex boyfriend last night. He touched his cock and kissed his lips and held him in his arms like he was his. Like he had a right.

Harry sighs and Niall pats at Harry's big hand that's loose on his stomach. "What's that, Haz?"

"I told Louis a lie. I told Louis a big lie and now I can't look at him. He can't even look at me," Harry whines a bit and Niall doesn't exactly know what to do with that. He still feels like what he and Louis did will be written all over his face if Harry spins him around, gets a good look. He still feels the weight of what they'd got up to in Niall's own home in the wee small hours of the morning, dragging him down and filling his shoes with stones of guilt, weighing his every move. Not regret though, he liked it too much, enjoyed it too thoroughly to regret being selfish for a moment. He and Louis will work things out. Of course they will.

It's not like it meant all that much to Louis.

Not by the way he's acting this morning.

Niall should have known that it'd be that way on Louis' side. It was kind of what he was asking for, was what Niall thought he was giving. Sort of.

Still hurts though.

He pulls it together and rubs at Harry's arm, staring at where his cuppa is now going cold. "What did you do?"

Harry nuzzles further into his neck, and Niall is seriously wondering if any of them apart from Niall and Liam had a shower this morning. Harry smells like smoke and weed and an abundance of liquor. "I told him about Nick's heart. About how there's a H there - which is true - well, that part of the conversation was. I also told him i'm fucking Nick and that's not happening. Not at all."

"No?" Niall asks gulping down the lump in his throat and the icy chill down his spine. He's wondering if anything would have happened if Harry hadn't of said anything to Louis about this. He's wondering if Louis would have sought him out at all.

Harry tightens his grip, rubs his forehead over Niall's back and rests it there, his voice coming out muffled after. "No. It's a H and he keeps telling me it could be anyone. That it might be Henry for all he knows." Harry sighs again and he sounds put out. As if he's had this argument about Nick's letter a thousand times before. He probably has. Harry's like a dog with a bone when he wants something. Niall should know, he had first hand view of when Harry went after Louis.

Wasn't that a bunch of shits and giggles for them all in the long run?

"He keeps telling me it's not long 'til i'm twenty one. Not long until I find out if his heart matches mine and it's not fair, Niall. I want him and he has my letter and I don't want to wait around for The Fates anymore. I want to make decisions on my own."

Niall knows that feeling. Felt it a mere few hours ago when he was kissing Louis and it changed. Something bigger than a cheeky snog. Something bordering on what he wants in the long run. Something more.

"I don't know why I thought telling Louis any of that would have made any difference. I don't want him anymore. Not really. I just wanted to hurt him a bit. Make him see that people want me. People that weren't worried about The Fates and soul marks and stupid things like that." 

Niall doesn't know what to say. It's on the tip of his tongue to explain it all, regurgitate every feeling he had with Louis, still has now. He wants to come clean about it all, but then Paul's calling them over to run through the moves for Best Song Ever and Niall has to concentrate on where he's walking with the guitar and he pushes his guilt to the back of his mind.

They get through the day early, three of them are hungover so Paul gives up just after lunch. Niall's about to see where Louis is so he can at least give him a lift home, so Louis can pick up his car. Louis' already at the door, though, on his phone again as Zayn grabs Niall's arm. 

"Tommo's coming back to mine. We'll pick up his car tomorrow, alright? Love you Nialler." And he's gone without another word.

They basically orbit each other for the rest of rehearsals.

It's weird and sort of strained at first, but it gets better. Harry doesn't tell Louis the truth about Nick and Niall doesn't say anything about what he did with Louis.

It's like a dream really.

A really great dream that has turned sour with how mixed up Niall is by how he feels about it all. How he still wakes up and can feel Louis' lips on his. A phantom touch that has him rubbing at his skin until it's chapped and raw.

The tour goes ahead and Louis gets past the Nick and Harry thing. . . mostly. He flits between all the boys equally though, Niall feels like he gets him less on stage than off. They share side stage a lot together - which was choreographed before it all went weird between them. They do that bit Louis made up with the "hole in my heart like a polo" and the crowd screams and Niall laughs at stupid things Louis says like he always has done. They interact on stage like the friends they were or are still, maybe, and then they take their final bow and it all changes. Louis changes. He disappears off to bus one with Zayn after every show. And it's fine. Niall will hang with Liam, or play golf with Harry but it still stings that they don't even watch footy like they used to. Not at all. 

They never mention that night during rehearsals. They don't kiss again either.

Louis doesn't sneak into his bunk anymore or get a spare key to his room, seeing as they now all warrant having their own. 

Niall tries dating instead, when they have rare off time. He hooks up with Barbara because she's lovely, spends some quality time with Ashley because she's got pretty eyes and she doesn't mind about it not being anything too serious. Nothing is when you literally wear your heart on your chest, a reminder that even though you've found someone, you're just not ready for them yet. Ashley's hasn't formed properly yet, and when Niall's in New York filming Saturday Night Live, he gets a message that shows how strongly her hearts filled out. That her love is close, ready and waiting for her. 

Niall's has been like that forever. 

He noticed when he was changing his patch a few months back, when things had still been awkward been him and Louis. He doesn't like to think on what that means. If it means anything at all.

He catches up with the LIC more when he's home. Comes onto Bressie even though Bressie has an E on his chest that Nall is fairly certain matches with Eoghan, but neither of them will do anything about it. Sometimes he joins Liam at Funky Buddah or Harry at one of those clubs he goes to still trailing after Nick, even though Nick is keeping him at arms length. Niall doesn't see Louis. Doesn't think about the night they shared at all.

 

**< 3**

2014 brings big things. They've won more awards and been nominated for many in the last four years than any of them ever thought they would have. They've got perfume and makeup and they've gone to Ghana and witnessed things that they'd only ever seen on the telly before. They've played Madison Square Garden, performed at the Olympics and made a movie about their life up until now. They've had break ups (Liam) and make ups (Liam) and found new loves (also Liam). They've found people who they think The Fates have pushed them toward (Zayn) and have mystery surrounding just _who_ they're dating (Harry). They've had their underwear stolen (Liam) and had major surgery (Niall), even a minor miracle (well, Liam's kidney rights itself somehow) and still they're going strong. When the first talk of doing a stadium tour was bandied about, they all scoffed. As if they were big enough for that. As if they'd fill one let alone a series of them worldwide.

They sell out in minutes and their tickets are being sold for ridiculous amounts on Ebay and the like. 

It's exciting and ridiculous and Niall can't fucking _wait_ because they're playing Croke Park. Croke fucking Park! It's where he auditioned and where he's seen so many bands and sports events and now they'll be playing there, not once, but three fucking times. Sold out capacity audiences and Niall and his boys and his family and mates. It's a lot to take in, so he tries not to think about it.

He can't help but tweet about it all the fucking time.

Especially since the start of the year sees him in America finally getting his knee operated on. It's all done on the quiet, the lads all doing their bit at keeping the bands profile up and attention on them rather than a slightly missing from the public eye, Niall. It hurts. A lot. Pain meds are good, and he makes sure to tweet random things so people don't raise a brow about him "disappearing." Eventually, though, his doctors give him the all clear to head back to London and the first any of their adoring public knows about what he's had done, are photos of him at the airport getting in the car on crutches. 

Harry sends him baskets of fruit and has Gemma and Anne pop over to check on him a few times. Harry's busy in LA, trying to give Grimmy some distance so he can see what he's missing out on. Or something. Niall's not the only one to notice Harry spending a _lot_ of time with one of Irving Azoff's sons. Zayn's busy with Perrie, this girl he's been seeing from another X Factor alumn girl band, and surrounding himself with family. It's going to be a busy year for them and Zayn deals with separation from family the worst of the lot if them. Still, he calls daily and pops down a few times with Danny or Ant, bringing Safaa along once because she begged to see in person that Niall was alright. Liam's off on holiday with Sophia, who he's more than certain will show up on his heart in August. Their soulmarks are both complete and filled in, dark and ready for the last reveal and Liam will only have to wait until February of the next year to see if she's the one. They've known of each other since sixth form, both being involved with other people until the last year when Liam and Danielle were truly over and they found each other again. Niall thinks Andy might have had a hand in that. Still, when they get home, Liam and Sophia both come over and watch movies with him, tell Niall stories that have him in tears of laughter. Especially about how the paps caught Liam dragging Sophia's bikini bottoms up her bum. 

Josh, Sandy and Dan drop by for pizza a few times. The LIC crew ensure he's never left alone with his thoughts all too much. His mum stays the first week and his dad another. Greg and Denise bring his little nephew, Theo over, but leave early because Theo is a bit weird with Niall not being able to run around after him. And he also jostles Niall's knee a bit which has him cursing and Theo crying so _that_ visit ends with him feeling awful more than anything else.

Willie lives with him, so he's never really alone, anyway.

If friends can't visit, they call or text, and the fans on twitter send love on a constant basis. It's hard for him to feel down at all really. Not with everyone checking in on him. All, but one.

When he gets the invite from Chelsea Football Club to come down and use their grounds for his physio, there's only one person he wants to tell. He even opens a text, starts typing in Louis' name in the To box and has to take a minute, closing his eyes when it hits him that maybe they don't have that relationship anymore. He hasn't heard from Louis since the band went their separate ways after all the TMH tour and last minute media extras were done. Not a phone call, not a text. Nothing. 

He's wondered if the night they shared nearly a year ago now, is the reason things between them are so different on stage than off. He's thought about that night more than he probably should. Snapshots of Louis face, his fingers, the sound of his panted breaths and cut off moans featuring in near all his wank fantasies ever since.

There's been this ever present ache in his chest, too, since Louis started pulling back. At first, Niall put it down to indigestion. He was always eating too fast, and his ma did say he should chew more, but even tablets or a glass of milk didn't help. He finally realised it got worse when he thought about Louis. Let his mind wander to restless thoughts on what Louis might be doing, how much he could do with a Louis cuddle right now, and listening to old demos of songs Louis and Liam made just so he could hear his voice. 

He was pining like some bloody school girl and he didn't really know what to do about it. He knew that the night they spent together, the quickest of handjobs he'd ever had or given, still meant more than just getting off to Niall. If it had of been just that, surely he wouldn't feel so heart sore about virtually being ignored after it happened. Surely, he wouldn't miss Louis touch, a smile thrown his way, his kisses. . . Louis in general. 

Niall knows he could take that first step. He could call. He could text. He could even send him a bloody Snapchat of his knee, red puffy skin and all and that would probably ellicit something on Louis' end. He doesn't. Can't. 

He throws himself into recovery instead. Works hard with his physio - even gets on the field with the Chelsea lads (not his team, but they've got a cracking good gym and they're nice enough). He puts aside dealing with his feelings about Louis. It's no use really looking at them when Louis' silence only makes him feel worse. He tamps down on any thoughts of just _what_ Louis heart letter is because he's never asked, and Louis still wears a patch over it. Like he's hiding it from the world, maybe even hiding it from himself.

This is what he and Willie discuss the first night Niall's off his pain meds enough to have a drink. It's light beer - Willie picked it up especially - but Niall is smashed after a bottle and a half. He may or may not have taken a couple of pain pills earlier in the day because he was trying to pick up some leaves on the deck outside and fell a bit. Anyway, he's chatty, and as only a good cousin would, Willie's taken to doing shots of whiskey to try and even them up. The funny thing is, Niall knows they both get drunk like this when they have something to own up to, say honestly, that maybe they couldn't speak so easily about when straight.

Niall knows what he's been hiding, he does wonder what Willie's got on his mind, though. He drinks some more and when there's a good level of whiskey gone and Niall's on beer four. They talk. 

Well, they don't really talk as such. It's more this mutual speaking at the same time _thing_ where they sort of listen to each other. It's a bit hard though, when bloods rushing to your head as you both lie upside down on the sofa, feet hanging over the back seat, top of your head brushing the ground. It's something they've done since they were kids, something about looking at things from a different angle when you're the wrong way up. Niall can't remember how it started when they were young, and he certainly can't remember how they both got in this position now. 

They do the usual though, counting down from five until they hit one and then all their worries spill from their mouths.

"Like, I slept with Louis. . . like proper slept with him and I might have also touched his dick a bit and got us both off and then he didn't even talk to me after?"

"I think Bridget's pregnant. I know we were safe, are safe. She's on the pill and I always, _always_ use something but she's late and she's freaking out because we've only just met and even if our letters match, we might not be the right ones for each other?"

"He hides his letter. He still wears a patch and I keep wondering what it is but we're not the same as we used to be and I can't just ask. I can't. But what if it's an N?"

"And, I know the babes mine. I know she's not like that, wouldn't fuck me over or none. But a _baby_. A baby that's part mine and I barely even know Bridget's last name."

"What is it?" Niall asks, pausing his own thoughts. 

"Flannagan."

"Irish?"

"Half Irish, half scottish."

Niall laughs, shaking his head a bit. Willie's going to have a wild time with that.

"Is that why you think you've always had a good relationship with him, then? The fact that he might have you're letter and you might end up with his in a few months time?" Willie asks, turning his head so he's looking at Niall. Niall shrugs the best he can while in this position, which looks ridiculous all being told.

"I don't know. I mean, what if everything we've done, the kissing and that, has been this slow build up, right? What if it's been these little things to set us on each other's path?" 

"She wants to keep the baby. She doesn't care what her parents say about us only knowing each other for three months. Oh god, I'm going to have to tell mum. . ."

Niall laughs as Willie's eyes grow large. Willie will need all the help he can get when he phones his mother. 

"Do you think you can wait until the band tours in Melbourne? Tell her then, I'll be your moral support and all?" Niall asks, because he'd do that for Willie - make sure he'd have his own easily accessible exit definitely - but he'd do that for him.

"Fucking course I will!" Willie laughs and they bump fists in front of them, near tipping the sofa as they do.

"You think, you think maybe Louis is keeping his distance because it _is_ your N on his heart? I remember you telling me how bad it was when he broke up with Harry and you're not twenty one until September so, maybe he's just protecting himself. I mean, what if he falls for you, too, and you end up with like, an X or something?"

Niall looks at the underside of the coffeetable, as if it holds all the answers. It doesn't, but it does have someone's gum under there and that is _disgusting_. 

"I get that. I get that he wouldn't want to risk it but, not even bloody phoning when I've been laid up like this?" He turns quiet, thinking about how much he's felt Louis total absence this time around. It's like there's this massive Louis shape missing from inside him and Niall's no idea how to fill it up without Louis' stupid blue eyes and his annoying bloody habits and his stinky feet and the way he can hold Niall just right. "I mean, what if The Fates were trying to push us together all this time and now Louis is there, forcing us apart?"

Willie sighs and Niall blinks back the sting of tears in his eyes that even thinking about Louis being something more and denying them both the possibility of it are causing. It's strange how he never thought of Louis as a something. Never really put Louis into that sort of context of becoming something more than a mate. Of someone that his heart might call out to. It's harder now though, realising that he likes Louis as a lead up to that, as a possibility of being his only one. It's harder to just let it go as easily as Louis' apparently has done, what with Niall's heart filling out so strong and dark and only months until he's twenty one.

It's not too long a wait, he supposes. Now that he's got an idea of who's letter could show up on his chest.

"You never know, Niall. He might not have an N and you might not have an L and you'll have worried yourself sick about all of this for naught. You've got no control over what The Fates decide. Best to just roll with it, see where the dice lands."

Now Niall has another reason to hope the new tour comes along fast. That, and the fact he'll be spending his birthday in Vegas, a date settled from the details they'd all last worked out. Gambling for money and gambling on love. Niall never thought he was the betting kind. 

All of a sudden, he really can't wait until his birthday this year. Finally, he'll have some sort of answer.

At least a world bloody stadium tour will keep him busy until then.

He stops wearing his patch when they head to South America. He's had enough of hiding that he's ready for this. For whatever comes next. He pretends not to see Louis eyes widen when he and Harry drop by Lou's room the first night, to see if he wants to join them at the pool. He does get a kick out of Louis' double take when the vest he's wearing shifts to the side as he scratches at his belly, showing his soul mark. 

He holds Louis gaze as Harry goes on about dragging Ben out with them and before Niall realises it, he's left alone with Louis for the first time in. . . Well, since that night in his house over a year ago.

"Not," Louis clears his throat, "not wearing your patch anymore, Nialler?" 

Niall shrugs, hopes he's coming off as nonchalant. "Didn't see the point, what with it being my twenty first this year. Won't be able to hide what The Fates want for me then, will I?"

Louis' cheeks pink up and Niall smiles wider. Feels a rush of something like aerated happiness move through his blood from being as truthful as he can be right now with Louis. Louis could take the next step here, could talk about what's written on his own heart. 

Louis swallows hard, adams apple bobbing as he breaks contact with Niall's eyes, training them on the floor between them instead. 

"Only a few months to go then," he says softly and it tugs at Niall's heart, this ache in his chest because Louis sounds lost. Wistful even. 

Harry bellows at him from down the hall and he turns to say he'll be along, only to turn back and find Louis has closed the door. Even as he walks away, he can't help but feel like Louis wasn't just shutting the thing on their conversation but on Niall as a whole. 

They play out South America and it's as crazy and amazing as Niall imagined. They get to do a few touristy things but the crowds prevent them doing too much. It's fine anyway, too bloody hot to do much else but lie by the pool or be pushed in it. They all find themselves there most days - even dragging Zayn out one day because he's sick of the sight of their hotel room walls. Not Louis though, he claims he's sick, jet lag and a cold or something but Niall's not entirely believing it. 

The news about Niall not wearing his patch anymore is a trending topic on twitter for three days after they first hit the pool. 

Niall isn't sure if it's anything to do with that, why Louis is a no show. He isn't sure about the looks he keeps getting from Zayn whenever Louis is brought up and Niall remains quiet, either. Niall keeps waiting for Zayn to say something, ask him about it, but Zayn's never been one to interfere. The tour goes on.

Which Niall loves, really. 

He's not only playing acoustic guitar this tour, but he's got his electric for more than a fair share of songs, too. It's strange, that they've been doing this for a while now, but somehow this tour, when he's got a guitar in hand more than any other, finally feels like he's earned his place. He knows he can sing well enough, can put words together with some help to make a song and knows enough about music to sort out a tune. But now they're back in Europe and opening on Niall's home soil. It's mad this, playing and singing and in fucking Ireland? This is more special than everything that's come before.

They fucking _smash_ it.

Niall rides the high of three sell out nights in Dublin catching up with his family and friends from Mullingar. Most of the LIC make it over and it's a right laugh. Fans are dubbing it Niall's Big Weekend and to top it all off, they've got the charity match he's been arranging with Piers Morgan at the end of it.

All the lads are going to be there - except Zayn, but he's not one for doing anything in the spotlight when he doesn't have to - and they're playing as well. It's been hard, catching time when they can to practice, and stranger still how much help Louis' been on the field getting the boys match ready. Niall's deferred to Louis a lot. He is the one with actual proper football club playing knowledge after his own charity match and training with the Rovers and such. They've worked together seemlessly, discussed plans, positions and tweeted a bunch of banter to Piers' team as well as at each other.

For the first time, in a long time, their relationship feels like its on some sort of even footing. They still don't spend any time together completely alone. The lads are always around. Always. The only time they have any real conversation between them, it's in text and never about anything more than the game. If Niall hadn't of been there, it would seem like everything they've ever shared between them before is a figment of his imagination entirely.

Still, the game is great. It's a bloody craic is what it is, with both sides playing hard and a little dirty. Harry gets Piers' pants down and Liam goes flying a few times but they all have fun and it raises a shit load of money for both charities. They all head out after, for a little celebration, which of course turns into a lot because they've got the day off after before they have to head off to Sunderland. Of course it gets to the end of the night and they're all toddling off home, sorting out who's going in who's car, which security is needed and which isn't. It's always a bit of a mess getting them from point a to point b on any normal day, but when they're drunk and loud? No wonder Paul decided to stay back in Ireland for a few extra days with his family. Paddy looks like if he had hair, he'd be pulling it out by now. 

Eventually they all get herded into cars and without much fanfare, are noisy in their vehicles as they wind through dark, wet streets back to London. Niall doesn't realise exactly who's in the van with him until they're pulling up at his house and he's stepping out, singing out to Harry to shut up as he stumbles onto the pavement. There's an arm on his elbow and he lets them right him a bit, eyes squinted up from laughter as he sways from that last shot that was obviously one too many. He's feeling light and heavy at the same time, happy and tired and wired and his life is so great.

"So great. Fucking love it," Niall says, walking toward the door, leaning more on whoever's helping him stay upright, really. 

"Glad you do, mate," Louis answers and well, that's sort of unexpected.

"Why are you here?" he asks, as they sway a bit at the door until Louis props him against the side of it. He's feeling up Niall's legs, probably looking for the pocket with his keys.

"Because you're drunk as fuck, that's why. I thought you could hold your liquor, Nialler?" Louis answers, sounding a little exasperated as he keeps patting Niall down to no avail. 

"Not there, not in there," Niall chuckles hands deep in the pockets of his jacket, touching warm metal that he runs his thumb over the sharpish grooves of. 

Louis focuses his gaze on Niall, puts a hand up to the van behind them where there's more hollering going on. Niall's drunk, he's so so drunk and Louis' eyes are so, so blue. He's just. He's so lovely to look at and Niall wants him so much. 

"Where are your keys, mate?"

Niall shrugs, "Give us a kiss, and I'll tell you."

Louis blinks and Niall licks at his lips. Thinks about how it felt to kiss Louis last time. Thinks it might be better than doing any further shot of any other drink he's got a bottle of inside. He misses kissing Louis. Misses the way their mouthes moved together. Misses the way Louis tastes on his tongue. How he'd bite at Niall's lip making his toes curl. 

"I miss your lips. I miss your hands, and your hugs, and I miss you." 

"You're so fucking wankered, mate." Louis says with a laugh but Niall knows he's got him a little flustered. Can see it in how he's let his fringe fall over his eyes so Niall can't see them that well anymore with the warm lamp light above. 

"Still want a kiss, though."

God, Niall's feeling so powerful right now. Like he could tell Louis that he wants him. That he wants to know what the letter is on his chest and that he really wants to touch his cock again. Maybe let Louis open him up and stick his cock in Niall's bum instead. Maybe. Fuck, a bit of fingering would be good. Niall can never quite make it feel all that great. But Louis could.

"You could, couldn't you," Niall sighs, eyelashes fluttering because sleepy is slowly overtaking drunk and giggly. Louis looks frozen though, unable to speak and fuck, Niall hopes he kept some of those thoughts in his head. He can't risk pushing Louis even further away right now. Not when he's got him mostly back in his life. He can't. 

"Niall. . ." Louis says all soft and with an ache behind it, something like sorrow.

It bursts Niall's happy bubble like a bloody great pin in the side, sending all the flirty goodness up into the night sky.

Niall feels the cold now. Feels the bite of the night air at his cheeks and neck as he pushes off the side of the door and smashes his side into the bloody thing as he loses his footing.

"Watch your bloody knee, you idiot!" Louis scolds, hand on Niall's arm and hip, steadying him again.

" _Now_ you're bloody worried about my knee? Where were you for the entire month I was laid up in bed you wanker!" Niall spits, the bloody nerve of Louis to say anything about his knee now. "You can go. I can get myself inside fine." He shakes off Louis' hold and he pretends he doesn't feel all the colder when Louis' lets go, steps back.

"I . . .I'm sorry-" Louis starts but Niall's too drunk or not drunk enough for this. Not now.

"Fuck you, Tommo. Leave me alone. It's what you wanted isn't it? For me to leave you alone?" He somehow gets the key in the lock and turns it while his heart is stuck somewhere in his throat, pulse racing. "Well, you bloody got it."

He doesn't look back once he gets himself inside. Doesn't even check that he's locked the door. Just walks - does _not_ limp - to the liquor cabinet and pulls out the vodka and a glass. 

He doesn't use the glass. 

He sits on the sofa with his phone in his hand and waits for Louis' to message him. Waits for someone to say something, because surely someone in that van heard what he said and yet his phone doesn't make a sound. He's about two fifths into the Vodka when he knows who he wants to talk to. Who always seems to put his stupid ideas into some sort of order.

"Hey Chief," Bressie answers on the third ring with a yawn. "Whatchu calling at this hour for?"

Niall shrugs and giggles when he remembers Bressie can't see over the phone like this. He's not on Skype or Facetime or whatever.

Bressie laughs and its rough sounding, Niall probably woke him up but Bressie's always said for him to call at anytime. That he'd always be there for Niall. 

"You still got boy trouble, then?" Bressie asks and Niall nods again with a sigh, leaning back into the sofa. Bloody best thing he ever actually bought himself, this thing. Went to the store after hours and sat on all the ones he could to see which was the best and most comfortable for this house. Didn't give a toss about a colour, which is probably why it was a good thing he had Ashley with him at the time. He would have come home with some horrid paisley thing instead of the grey or whatever it is he's got now. 

"He's such an arse," Niall says, because he can't tell Bressie all of it. Can't admit it all to anyone. Well, accept Willie. But that was different, they'd both been spilling secrets that night. "He could have my heart and I could have his if he'd bloody take his patch off and just _show_ me but-"

"He's worried your's wont' have his letter in a few months?" Bressie interrupts and Niall nods again, rubbing a damp hand over his brow. Damp from god knows what so he probably spilled the vodka. Another new stain for his cleaning lady to raise a brow at him for. Perfect. 

"I just want to _know_. I want to know now this waiting thing is shite." Niall huffs, blowing at a piece of hair that's hanging in the middle of his forehead, free hand scratching at his stomach and rubbing at his bellybutton. 

"Knowing's not all that great either, Chief," Bressie says and it's soft and even as sleepy as he is, Niall recognises pain there.

"I'm thirty-three, yeah?" 

Niall smiles, he'd been on tour on Bressie's actual birthday, so they'd had a double celebration for both of their dates when they'd all been back home. "Yeah, bit of a craic wasn't it? Even though it was a month late. I remember. Most of it."

Bressie laughs and it's definitely lighter than before. It hadbeen a bloody great night. Everyone had been there. 

"Yeah, Chief, you were. I meant, I'm thirty three so obviously I've got a letter on my chest, yeah?"

Niall agrees, sliding down onto his side because his knee _does_ sort of hurt and it feels better if he can get a pillow under it. Raise it a bit. Though, lying down has made him far more sleepier than before. He widens his eyes comically a few times to try and keep them open. It helps. Some.

"So I've known who I'm meant to be with for a while. Known and known him and -"

"It's a him?" Niall asks, fingertips brushing over the rough skin of his lips, chapped from a day of calling out names and shouting curses at plays gone wrong.

"Yeah, so imagine my luck when I find this boy. This lad with my N on his chest, this soul meant for mine."

"That's great, big face. That's bloody fantastic. But-"

"Why aren't we together?" Bressie asks and doesn't wait for Niall to answer. Niall manages to stop himself from nodding - just.

"We were. Are. Sort of. He doesn't like boys. Reckons he's not gay. That we can't be proper meant for each other. That The Fates have got it wrong."

"Thats. . ." Niall lets out this long breath. "That's pretty shit, if I'm being honest,"

Bressie makes this sound, sort of hurt and reconciled at the same time. Jesus, Niall really shouldn't have opened up the vodka. He's far too drunk to be paying the right kind of attention to Bressie's story now. 

"That's not the worst of it, Chief. Tells me this, tells me we can only be what we need on a friend level after we've had sex. Fucking lying there the morning after, curled up against each other like bloody spoons in a drawer and he says 'it can't be like this,' that, 'we're just proper mates, can't be anything more.'"

Niall shakes his head and lets his eyes close. He tries to imagine that. Waking up to Louis saying he couldn't want him proper, couldn't let him be his everything when there's a world of N's out there. Girls and boys who could be his proper one. Niall could just be a starting point. It makes something burn in his chest, so he rubs at it, willing it to stop.

"The thing is though, and I've asked people, my mark changed the night we fooled around proper. Bloody burned right on my chest like a fresh tattoo, you know? Felt like I'd finally done something right, you know? As if everything was falling into place. Then Eoghan wakes up before me, goes and buys us a proper breakfast and breaks up with me without us ever being together over a cup of tea and runny eggs. Arsehole,"

Niall knows Bressie means it to be something like a curse, but it comes out fond. Niall's not all that shocked that it was Eoghan on Bressie's heart. He's seen the way they look at each other. Seen the E on Bressie's heart and wondered because there aren't _that_ many girls they know of who's names start with it. Or lads. Bressie's never been one to favor one sex over the other. Though, Niall always thought he favoured Eoghan, and now he knows why.

"That sucks, Head. That's downright dreadful." He's feeling so heavy now, heart sore and sad for his mate and a little sorry for himself. Because what if this is what's happening between him and Louis? What if there's no N on his chest and Niall ends up something completely different and he's feeling heart sick over something that isn't destined at all?

"Yeah, Chief. It is what it is. Most of the time, it's alright. A lot of the time it's not," he takes in this shaky breath that Niall can feel echo down the phoneline, this settling thing that has his voice near back to normal when he goes on. "You want me to sing you to sleep, Niall? Sing you something like your Ma would have when you were a wee boy?"

Normally, this is where Niall would tell Bressie to fuck off and end the call. Normally, Niall would tease Bressie about his voice or whatever but tonight. Tonight is different, for a lot of reasons. "Yeah. That'd be nice, Bressie. That'd be lovely."

Niall falls asleep to an old irish folk song that Bressie sings in what Naill assumes is perfect Gaelic. He wouldn't really know, he passes out before the first chorus is even sung.

He and Louis circle each other while the tour stays in England. It's like they're a rubber band being pulled tighter and tighter on opposite sides. Niall has no idea what it is that'll set them off. He's hoping it'll end well when it does.

They get to Europe and the World Cup is due to start up and it's _that_ that gets them talking again. Has conversation flowing in text and banter on stage and off. It's nice, but they've still got this _thing_ between them that neither of them seem to know how to move past. Instead, they always seem to have another of the lads around as a buffer. Someone to ensure there's no silences where more words could be spoken, more truths told. It seems to work, for both of them. 

Right up until the opening match and Niall tweets a photo of him and Willie in their Brazil shirts. Niall pretends he misses Louis' tweet about supporting England. Pretends it doesn't mean as much as it does because he and Willie have football to watch and when Louis' doesn't say anything else to him, tweet or text or phone call or otherwise. Niall thinks it was a one off. Something for the fans and to keep the bands profile up.

So it's reasonable when he sees Louis' name flash up on the phone, that Niall doesn't immediately answer. He's just woken up after staying up until the wee hours talking with Liam after their concert in Stolkholm. When he rolls over later, his bloody phone buzzing again that he has an unanswered message, it's Louis asking him to come watch the match he's got setup in his room. 

Niall rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling muttering curses under his breath. He's been good at giving Louis space. He's been good at not pushing how he feels, what he thinks he wants, to the surface for anyone to see. He won't go. He'll just watch the match quietly on his own TV and it'll be fine. 

His phone buzzes again and his stomach twists, empty. He lifts his hand from his chest where he's still holding his phone and Louis name is there again 

**Tommo:** a couple of the crew are here and Sandy and Dan, too.

Niall groans, throwing his arm over his eyes. Of course they wouldn't be alone. Of course Louis would make sure of it. He shouldn't go. He isn't feeling all that great and he hasn't eaten.

**Tommo:** got shit loads of room service and beer here. Won't drink itself.

He groans once more, hitting himself in the head a few times before rolling out of bed. 

Of course he's going.

The game itself isn't too bad. Company is what makes it, and it's weird that Niall's forgotten what it's like to be around Louis in a mate like circumstance. He'd near forgotten how funny Louis is, quick witted and sharp tongued and loving an audience as easily amused as Niall always has been for him. They all drink and the food disappears quick as the game wears on. Then there's another match playing and most of them stick it out, Sandy and Milo from their crew, doing another booze run. That game finishes and Niall finds himself lying mostly on Louis bed watching Louis tidy a bit as a few more lads leave and a rerun of a previous years best goal starts up.

Niall must fade out for a bit, rousing himself as the crowd on the telly roar. A goal scored, a game won, Niall can't be sure if he doesn't open his eyes. They're heavy though, too heavy and he feels utterly relaxed, as if his while body has sunk into the mattress. It's lovely and feels so good. It's a wonder he never realised how tired and aching his body had been until now, when there's no pain at all. 

"Told you not to do those shots for penalties with Jonno didn't I?" This voice says fondly, warm fingertips brushing Niall's unstyled blond hair from off his brow. Feels nice. If he could move, he'd lean into it. 

"Looks like you're staying here for a bit then." Louis says and Niall feels the bed dip beside him, the whole of his front where he's curled on his side lights up with warmth. He nearly rolls toward it, closing the gap between where he just knows Louis is lying, mirroring Niall's position. 

It's bloody hard not to. 

He stays still though, listens to Louis' breathing and it's enough. He wills the ache in his chest to settle. To be happy that he's this close after having been so far apart for so long. He manages to keep it together, right up until Louis lips brush his, the softest of touches. 

"I miss you, too, Niall." 

Niall lies completely still as he listens to Louis breathing even out. He's so still, so quiet, he's almost sure he can hear his own heart breaking apart. 

He doesn't find himself alone with Louis again while they're in Europe, but they do start spending more time together outside of just mucking about on stage. They watch the World Cup matches together. Go see a movie with Liam and get high with Zayn once or twice. It's nice that they've mostly got their friendship over anything, back on track. 

Niall almost convinces himself that it's enough. 

He uses the little downtime they have between the Europe and North America dates to see his family and heads back to Mullingar for a while. When he's back in London, he and Liam go out a bit, Niall still doesn't see the appeal of Funky Buddah, but he likes spending time with Liam so he goes with a bit of arm twisting more often than not. He writes a bit with McFly and catches up with Rochelle and baby Alaia, finding out that Marvin will be in Vegas at the same time their tour does. It's something else to look forward to, because it's when Niall turns twenty one, can legally drink in all the places they've had to do so in private bars and such. Only Harry will be left underage and he's near buzzing for February when his soul mark finally reveals his true love. He hasn't mentioned anything about Nick, but Niall's caught him listening to the Brekky Show when he's popped around Harry's house at the right times.

America becomes this whirlwind of finding their rhythm onstage again. Finding their feet with each other on the tour bus and falling into step with each other's needs when they have time off. Niall doesn't spend a lot of time with Louis. Doesn't avoid him, either. It's easy to laugh at Louis' jokes, easy to banter back and forth like there isn't anything different between them. The only time he lets himself ponder on possibilities, is when he's safely tucked away in some hotel room, knowing Louis' in a bus on the stadium grounds. He does find himself analysing specific smiles Louis sends his way, or times when he's sure he's caught Louis staring at him moments before.

They celebrate Liam's birthday in style, doing what Liam loves best, performing their hearts out. He's extra jumpy, extra pumped with the crowd and in tears during Harry's speech, more so when the entire capacity bloody stadium sing him happy birthday. He's got his family over and Sophia, too, and they party a little hard when they come off stage. Liam and his girl near getting caught for indecent exposure because Liam can't keep his hands off her now that his heart has a loopy black S right in the centre of it. 

Liam's ready to bloody propose and Sophia's eyes are shining as she laugh, tells him not long to wait now. Her own marks reveal is in February, so really it's not all too bad. There is a noise complaint made about Liam's room that night, giving the lads fuel for teasing him unabashedly until he's very red in the face. At least it has Liam forgetting about wanting to drag Sophia to The Little White Chapel when they hit Vegas in a few weeks time.

It doesn't stop Niall from wondering about his own heart. From catching himself just staring at Louis and wondering what if. . . .

They fly out to Vegas for the iHeart Radio Festival the day before his birthday. They're performing as the opening act, and it's not _really_ their thing - the audience won't really be there for them. It's a bit of a low really, having to try and connect with people that are mostly standing there with their arms crossed, looking like they'd rather be anywhere else than having to listen to a "boyband." They find the pockets of people that _do_ enjoy what they're doing, and focus on them instead. 

It doesn't really matter all too much. It's performing and above all else, it's something the five of them love. The best part is what's coming after. They make a night of it, heading down to watch Marvin open for Diplo and it's amazing. He and Zayn dance and drink, Harry leaving early with Gemma and Louis staying at the hotel keeping his sister company because Lottie isn't old enough to go out here. The lads give them a bit of stick about it but they understand. Gemma's off home soon and Lottie is really here to work more than party so they get it. 

It doesn't stop Niall from drinking a bit more than he normally would while out in the public eye because of it. He'd sort of assumed that Louis would be around at midnight or whatever when Niall officially turned twenty-one. Not that he was going to rip his shirt off and demand Louis do the same or anything. 

Maybe he would have asked nicely.

He drinks more and dances more and has a cheeky snog with Julian that he's probably going to have to explain later. He's just so fucking happy, though. He isn't worried about what'll turn up on his chest or what Louis has on his. He isn't thinking about that tomorrow, when he wakes up he'll know for certain who he should be looking for - or where to start anyway. None of that matters apart from dancing to great tunes and drinking more of these great shots Zayn keeps finding an endless supply of. 

They lose Liam and Sophia sometime through the night, going up in the booth and watching the crowd. They aren't too, worried. He'll have Paddy with him and Paddy is under strict instructions to guide Liam away from any of the parts of the strip or beyond where Liam can get a quickie marriage. They hit another club after Marvin's finished his set. Things get a bit more sloppy after that. He drinks more and laughs more and rubs at his chest more often than he thinks he does. 

"I find out tomorrow," he tells Zayn once someone's poured them both into the back of a car that he thinks Preston or Paul or maybe even Mark is sitting in the front of. They could even be in a taxi, or a cab or whatever it is here. There's lights outside and people and Zayn's so warm at his side, arm wrapped around Niall's shoulder.

"Are you ready to know, then?" Zayn asks as they slide a bit on their seats. Probably should have buckled themselves in.

The hotel can't be that far and Niall isn't sure he can actually feel his fingers.

He nods emphatically anyway. "Yes, fuck yes. I just want it to be over. Then we can be normal again and I can stop pretending that I'm fine." He nuzzles his face into Zayn's side. Zayn's got this shirt on that feels so lovely against his skin. The metal buttons are cold and they rub at his cheekbone in a way that hurts a bit but it's still good. Fuck he's so drunk.

"I just want it over, one way or another." 

Zayn doesn't say anything in return, just rubs his hand over Niall's arm and brushes his fingers through Niall's sweat sticky hair. He blinks and they're getting out of the car, one of their security near dragging Niall up from the pavement as he trips on the way out. Zayn's cackling at him, and they walk - or more like stumble - in through the back of the hotel's kitchen and into the service elevator. They both shuffle down the hall and wave everyone else off as Zayn pushes Niall into his room. The suns coming up as Zayn closes the curtains, Niall kicking his shoes off as he falls onto the bed, face first. He smiles as he feels Zayn settle down on the bed next to him. He's already sliding into slumber as Zayn pats him on the shoulder, a faint "Happy Birthday, mate," reaching his ears before he's completely out for the count.

Zayn's the one who spots it the morning after. 

Niall's barely awake, blinking open bleary eyes to Zayn poking him in the back. Niall bats at his hand and squawks for Zayn to leave him alone. His body feels like utter shit, his head pounding already and he hasn't even moved all that much. Zayn's laughter echoes around his head as Niall smacks his hand out, hoping to hit Zayn to shut him up but finds his pillow instead. It's still a positive, he uses the thing to pull over his head, drowning Zayn out. It doesn't last long though. Zayn pulls the pillow away and Niall closes his eyes tight, hoping to keep the light out for a little longer. Christ, even that hurts.

"Why did you let me drink so much last night?" Niall whines, rolling onto his side and sitting up, slow. His head thumps again and he wonders if it's possible that his brain is actually bouncing around the inside of his skull with every move he makes. His eyes are dry and hurt just as much as his head as he rubs at them. 

"Mate, I drank just as much and feel just as bad." Zayn's at the window, Niall can smell smoke and hear the tell tale drag and release of air from Zayn's lungs. 

"Liar," Niall groans, standing up and scratching at his stomach. He doesn't even have a shirt on anymore. Hopefully, he took it off when they came back. His mum will kill him if there's half naked pictures of him dancing around a club in Vegas. 

Zayn starts laughing again. "Of course. I could have told you both, fucking idiots the pair of you," he says, through a wheezing cough. Niall shakes his head, not having a clue what Zayn's talking about only realising what a bad move it is when the pain in his head spikes. 

"You have any pain killers here?" Niall asks, already heading toward Zayn's bag to where he hopes his mate has _something_ to fix this. 

"Just had the last two. You should head over to Liam's. If he won't share what they gave him for his arm, Sophia will have something." Niall groans, picking up a vest of Zayn's on his way to the door, sliding the thing on as Zayn calls out Liam's room number.

It's only a few doors down, but it feels like a lot longer as Niall trudges down the hall. He does that stupid secret knock thing that they've done since they first spent more time in hotel rooms than their own houses. It takes a minute before the door opens, and when it does, it's not Liam standing there.

He's in a towel and there's water dripping down from his hair, droplets sliding over his chest and right over the inky black N in the centre of Louis' dark red soul mark. Niall blinks, because Louis is _never_ without his patch on, the skin lighter around the colour of his heart than the rest of his golden, tanned skin. It's an N. A fucking _N_ and it's then that Niall realises that his own letter should be showing by now. He tugs his vest over his head and Louis' gasps as he does so.

The skin is still tender to the touch, as Louis reaches out and runs the tip of one finger over the slightly raised lettering that forms an L in loopy scrawl. Louis' touch stings a bit, and it's that sound that has Louis' hand wrapping around Niall's wrist, pulling him inside and quickly shutting the door. 

Niall's heart is pounding and his headache completely forgotten about as he looks at Louis and Louis stares right back. There's so much to be said, so much he wants to ask. . . he doesn't know where to start.

"It's an N," is what he does say and Louis nods, fingertips brushing soft over his chest. 

"You've an L then," Louis replies, blue eyes meeting Niall's for an instant as he nods toward Niall's chest. 

"Yeah," Niall swallows hard, his mouth a lot more dry than it had been before. "I guess so."

"Your not," He nods at Louis' mark and Louis shakes his head. 

"Was meant to put another patch on last night. Forgot about it."

"Right," Niall answers. He really doesn't know what to do. It could be anyone's N. His L could be meant for loads of people.

He knows it's not though. There's this feeling in his bones that this is where he's meant to be. This, right here, is where his life changes and begins again and he really hopes Louis is feeling some of this, too. He wants to kiss him. Touch him. Just _something_ but it has to be Louis first this time. It's been Niall walking on eggshells for so long, it's got to be Louis that starts it again.

"I really wanted it to be you," Louis says softly, eyes still trained on Niall's mark. "I tried so hard to let you go and do what you had to until now, and you were such a shit. You made it so bloody difficult when all you had to do was look in my direction and I was back to wanting you again."

"I'm not all that sorry," Niall says and they'll argue about it, in the future, they'll both say the other took the first step but all that really matters is that they meet in the middle. Louis' hands meet Niall's face and Niall's slide around Louis' hips as their lips crash together. 

It's not a gentle kiss by any means. They've been fighting against what was obviously inevitable for so long, this is a relief and a need all in one. Louis' thumbs keep brushing over Niall's cheeks as he directs their kiss, fits their mouths together better so it's not even a thought to open up and let Louis' in. Their tongues are a slick slide, have Niall's blood thrumming in his veins as his fingertips flirt with the rough hotel towel that's still somehow wrapped around Louis' waist. Louis steps back, and back again until his legs must hit the back of the bed and he falls. It's just as Niall gets the knot undone, leaving Louis naked as his bum bounces on the edge of the bed. 

He's all this golden skin and silly ink that covers one arm and his heart. . . his heart mark looks so bright, so real and so undeniably Niall's N. Louis reaches out, fingertips tip tapping up Niall's thighs to the waistband of his jeans. He's looking up at Niall with this truthful stare, bright blue already receding with the blooming black of his irises. There's still a few drops of water on his lashes, and Niall swipes them away as gently as he can. It feels as if his chest is filling up and up, tightening with all the things he wants to say, the three words he wants to hear from Louis and repeat himself over and over. He can't though, he can't say anything as Louis blinks the water away, eyes focused on Niall's as his hands make quick work of Niall's flies. The zipper's a loud metallic sound in the quiet of the room, the material even louder as Louis wiggles it over Niall's hips. His thighs. He's still staring up at Niall though, still looking at him like Niall's the only one that matters in the world. 

His skinny jeans get a bit harder to manhandle as Louis tugs them lower still, pausing as the scar on Niall's knee comes into view. It's not as if Louis hasn't seen it before - he bloody drew an arrow on the thing in South America - but it means more as Louis leans in. As he presses his lips down the line like a "sorry" and a "I should have called," and "I was scared of showing too much, caring too obviously." Niall gets it. He does. He understands and he forgives with one hand brushing Louis' fringe off his face, sliding into the wet wavy mess atop his head. 

He steps out of his jeans, takes his pants off at the same time - it's time conserving really - because he wants to continue what they've started. This wordless account of all the hurts they've caused each other. The love and want that they've kept bottled up for far too long. Niall can feel every shift of his lungs as they fill with air, every stuttering breath out through his open mouth. His tongue slipping out to wet his lips as Louis's palms spread warm over his thighs, up to his hips, thumbs rubbing at the soft skin there as he leans in. Niall's cock is already half hard, thickening up between his legs and grazing the side of his thigh. It jerks a little, under Louis' heated breath and in a blink, Louis' mouthing at the tip and Niall's sure he's going to die, his hearts beating that fast. There's only a ring left of the bright blue of Louis' eyes as they flutter to a close, his lips thinning out from a dusty pink to near white as he takes Niall's prick in, tongue flat against the underside. He bites down a moan, feeling himself thicken further on Louis' talented tongue, inside Louis' mouth that's this warm, wet heat. Niall's fingers grasp at Louis' hair, Louis' making this _sound_ in his throat as he gets a hand on the part of Niall his mouth isn't covering. He pulls off with a pop, his hand jacking Niall a little slicker now with precome and Louis' spit easing the way. 

Niall tugs a little at Louis' hair and he smirks a bit at Niall, thumb pressing into the groove under his hipbone as he takes Niall in again, starts bobbing up and down. His cheekbones defined as he sucks particularly well, Niall's hips thrusting forward a bit even though he's trying to keep still. It feels almost too good, as Louis tongues at the slit, mouthing at the length of him, licking him from base to tip. It's too much and Niall wants more he wants _all_ of Louis. All of what Louis will give. His hand slides down to Louis' shoulder, pushes him back and Louis goes with a little whining. He shuffles up the bed, cock hard and bobbing as he goes and it makes Niall's own mouth water. He wants to get his hand on Louis again, wants to taste him on his tongue and feel him fill his mouth but he also wants more. He wants his hands spreading Louis wide, three fingers deep and tongue swirling around them as Louis bucks into his touch. He wants to see Louis this time. See it all.

He crawls onto the bed, between Louis' legs as he brings them up and plants his feet wide enough that Niall can fit between them. Louis' got a hand in the air, curling around Niall's arm, sliding up to cradle the back of his neck and pull him in. Niall can taste himself in Louis' mouth, kisses Louis harder until it's just Louis he can taste again. Just Louis he can feel as Louis' hips rock up, cock brushing sticky against Niall's thigh. He collapses on top of Louis, keeping a small gap between them where he's got his hands pressed into the mattress on either side of Louis' head. He'd forgotten how good Louis was at kissing. How it makes everything else slide away, but it's a bit hard to forget how naked they both are as their cocks slip and slide against each other's skin between them. Both of them thrusting shallow against each other, bodies desperate for some sort of friction that neither of them do much about. Kissing seems more important. Until Niall pulls back, nips at Louis' chin, kisses his jaw and mouthes at the tender skin just above where his pulse is racing, Niall can almost believe he can feel it against his lips. A steady thrum that reminds Niall of where he is, of what he really wants to do.

"Have you, have you got any stuff?" He asks. The first words they've spoken since all the naked started.

Louis nods, Niall can feel it as scrapes his teeth over Louis' collarbones, presses a kiss, soft and sweet right in the middle of his soul mark.

"In the drawer, thought. . . thought maybe you'd come, hoped you'd be at my door today," he says through these gasps, Niall flicking over Louis' nipple with a quick tongue.

Niall sits back on his knees, lets his hands slide over Louis' torso. Relishes in the warmth he can feel, the shift of bone and skin and muscle as Louis chest rises and falls fast.

"Certain it would be you, were you?" Niall asks, a half grin tugging at his mouth. He feels so much for this boy in front of him. A man really. He's known him for so long. Known the heartache he's gone through, shared highs and laughter and pretended to the world that what he felt wasn't real. That what they shared couldn't be as powerful as finding your one true love. But it's right there. _Right there_ on Louis' chest. He can't help but reach out and trace the N there with a fingertip, Louis shivering as he does so.

"Yeah," Louis says, soft and raspy and his eyes so fond as he looks up at Niall. He fits his hand over Niall's, pressing down so they're intertwined over his heart. "I just had a feeling, you know?"

Niall nods, squeezing their fingers tight before leaning over the edge of the bed - near toppling to the floor - and getting the drawer open. The lube is obviously used and the condoms are in a box that's so new it still has the plastic wrapping on it. Louis shrugs with a raised brow as Niall shakes the box in front of him, settles back on his haunches, bum resting on his heels which hurts his knee a bit, but it's not all that important now. He gets the wrapping off, pulls a few condoms from the strip and sets them to the side with the lube.

"This can't be that good for your knee," Louis' fingertips brush over his scar and Niall' shivers. It's always been a bit sensitive, but somehow Louis' touch makes it all the more so.

Niall actually feels his chest heat, his soul mark burns but in the best of ways. Maybe this is what Bressie was talking about? These last little signs from The Fates that you'd made the right choice. Found the right one.

Niall shakes his head, takes Louis' hand to his lips, presses a kiss to the centre of his palm. "I'm fine. I'm all good now."

Louis slips his hand free, brushes a crooked finger down Niall's cheek, once, twice. He's just looking at Niall, a look so soft, so simple and so caring it fills Niall's heart right up. Fuck, he just loves Louis so much.

He leans over him again, kisses him soundly, as Louis' grip tightens in his hair, the scratch of bitten down nails over his back. Right, right. They were doing a lot more before. Louis cock is still hard as it knocks against Niall's when he moves his hips just right and there was a reason he got the lube out. There's a good reason that he curls his hand under Louis' knee, pulling his leg up and out. Louis' skin is smooth and warm on his thigh, softer still at the juncture where his thigh meets his bum. Niall doesn't hesitate to continue, fingertips sliding between Louis' cheeks as Louis' tongue flicks into his mouth. Louis groans and Niall swallows it up, dry fingers catching over the pucker of his hole. Louis' hips jerk into the touch and Niall's cock kicks against his belly, precome sticky against his skin.

He reaches around to where he thinks he left the lube, flicks the lid off with one hand and sits back only to squeeze some out onto two fingers. Presses his lips to Louis' knee as Louis' hand curls around his cock, a few quick tugs as he watches Niall, eyes hooded and dark. Louis can't suppress his moan this time as Niall fits a finger against him. Slides it in to the first knuckle and _fuck_ it's been so long since Niall's fucked anyone and even just getting Louis ready has him wondering if he'll last long enough to proper start. He sucks a mark into the sensitive skin, paler than everywhere else on the inside of Louis' thigh. Tucks another finger in against the first when Louis starts pushing back. Niall's hips shift, rutting against the bed with the sounds Louis' is slowly making more of, anything for a bit of friction. Anything for a hint of relief, as Louis' fingers tangle in his hair, tug at sweaty strands while Niall scissors his fingers apart. It's when he gets a third finger in there, pushes in the right way, Louis sucking in this sharp breath, Niall knows he must hit his mark. He presses his fingers in the same place again and again, until Louis' thighs are shaking against his lips. Louis babbling up above that it's enough. Too much. That he's going to come. 

"Not like this," Louis says on a moan, hips lifting into Niall's touch. "Want you, want you inside." 

Niall has to close his eyes, gets his hand beneath him to just grip at his cock in a tight circle, close enough himself that even Louis' words could be enough. He wants it too. He wants to be as close as possible to Louis, wants to see him come, feel it from the inside out. He pulls his fingers out gingerly, can't help but press his thumb in, tugging at the loosened skin until Louis' grip tightens painfully in his hair. He stops, sitting up slow only to find Louis right there, hands on either side of his face and snogging the breath from his lungs. 

Louis fists Niall's cock, his thumb swiping over the tip as Niall pants into Louis' mouth. It's a lot after nothing but the bed for friction and has Niall's body lit up, needing more, tiny sparks just aren't going to be enough. He leans forward, pushing Louis back into the bed until Louis' letting him go, arms wrapped loose around Niall's neck instead. Niall fumbles with the condom, manages to get it on as Louis looks like a sexed up mess against the few pillows. His lips are full and red, eyes dark and his hair is _everywhere_. Niall wants to kiss him raw, rub his hands over every inch of him followed by his tongue but Louis is cupping his cock, brow raised as if to say "hurry it along." 

Niall does, he bites at his lip in concentration as he fits the latex on, hands shake as he spills more lube over his fingers, dribbles it down his cock giving himself a few tugs to spread the slick out. He shuffles closer, fingers Louis a little, hooking his finger over the rim making sure he's definitely ready for something else. Louis harrumphs, frowning but it's nothing Niall is too concerned about because of the way Louis' also licks at his lips and moans. He rubs the tip of his cock between Louis' cheeks, head catching a little on Louis' rim before he lines up and starts to press in. He has to close his eyes, as much as he wants to watch Louis, see what his face doe, he also needs to concentrate on not screwing this initial part up. There's this heat in his chest and his soulmark _burns_ right over Louis' L and the dark outline of the heart. Louis reaches out, brushes the skin there and Niall gasps, the sensation having him falling forward, filling Louis up in one long push. Louis kisses him hard and fast until Niall kisses back, until the rushing sound in his head eases up and he remembers he can move. That Louis will want him to. He's just so hot, and feels so good surrounding Niall, Louis raising his legs until they’re wrapped around Niall's waist, gripped tight. 

He fucks into Louis faster, tastes blood on his tongue from where one particular thrust had Louis' biting his bottom lip a little too enthusiastically. Louis keeps touching him everywhere. The soft pads of his fingers tip tapping up Niall's sides, the scratch of his nails over the rise of Niall's bum. His hand gently cradling Niall's jaw as their kisses turn into this brush of lip on lip, air being shared between them as Niall grinds his hips down, hardly moving at all. He wants to feel all of Louis but it's a struggle just keeping his hands planted into the bed, holding him up. Next time, he'll have Louis' ride him so he can feel him up proper. Get his hands on Louis' thighs, feel the round of his tum. Next time, maybe they'll lie on their sides and Louis'll be the one fucking him, pressing himself in the hot clutch of Niall's arse. So many possibilities and so much time ahead of them to try it all out.

The thought alone has Niall falling forward, his fingers threading tight in Louis' hair as he fucks into him deep and Louis moans right into his mouth. He's so fucking close and he knows Louis is. Can feel his cock leaking between them. Hears the endless sound coming from Louis' mouth. He can't stop looking at Louis' now. The red flush to his cheeks, the fucked out look in his eyes, the three little freckles in his hairline that Niall knows like the back of his own hand from all the times they've snuggled at night. Held each other close when the world became too much. 

It's different now though. It's different with Louis' mouth open, his throat working over words that Niall can't decipher, they're just sound. He does pick out his name though. These breathy "Niall, _Niall_ " that punch out. Niall loves him, wants him, doesn't feel like he's touching him enough, like he can _feel_ him enough. He kisses him deep, open mouth and mostly tongue because anything else would prevent them breathing. God, he's so fucking close, right there, with the way he can feel his orgasm tugging at the base of his spine. Louis' heels are pressing into the fleshy part of his bum, urging him on. 

"Please," he whimpers, a hot breath over the shell of Niall's ear. "Please, Niall," he murmurs again. Niall slips a hand between them, feels the muscles of Louis' stomach jump, slick with Louis' precome. Louis hisses when he Niall gets a hand around him, curses as he tugs Louis' off in time to the snap of his hips. 

"So close, Louis. You feel," he licks his lips, takes a breath, "Want you, want all-" he can't say anything else. Louis' kissing him again, biting at his lips and making Niall fuck him all the harder. The headboard is banging now and, christ, there'll be complaints but Niall can't care at all right now. He just wants Louis to come, wants to get Louis off. Watch his face as it changes, feel him completely losing control that he always seems to be on the precipice of at all times. 

"Babe," Louis calls, gets a hand on Niall's face and holds him there. Holds him close and tender while Niall fucks into him rough. He's losing his rhythm and he can feel Louis' cock twitching in his hand. 

Louis is even more beautiful that Niall could possibly imagine when he comes. His whole body tenses, mouth drops open and his eyes roll back a bit, only to return and stare straight at Niall. His legs squeeze against Niall's ribs in a way that makes Niall wonder if he'll have indents from Louis' hold permanently pressed into his bones. It's how tight Louis' body squeezes around him that sets Niall off. He lasts two more thrusts before he's coming just as hard, Louis holding him through it all, kissing the salt from his brow as Niall slumps forward, boneless and utterly spent. 

His lips trace the sharp cut of Louis' jaw, nip at his chin, until Louis' tilts his head down and Niall can fit their lips together. They kiss for a bit, languid and slow and Niall only stops because he's going soft and he needs to pull out. He toddles off to the bathroom to get rid of the condom, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it to clean himself and Louis when he gets back. Louis was a little right though, about his knee, he can feel it aching a bit as he turns back toward the room, flicking the light in the bathroom off as he goes. 

Louis' got his forearm resting over his eyes when Niall walks back. He turns off the room lights which leaves just the bedside lamp on, making Louis' skin glow in it's warmth. His chest is shaking and Niall can hear these little gasps of air. He knows Louis isn't laughing and it makes him smile all soft and ridiculous he's sure as he creeps back over to the bed. He crawls up beside Louis, fits his body to Louis' side after wiping him off and throwing the towel somewhere on the floor. 

"Louis," he says soft, fingertips sliding up and over the outside of Louis' arm, feeling out the sharp bone of his wrist as he circles his forefinger and thumb around it. "Lou," he tries again, tugging light until Louis, lets him pull it down, turning onto his side at the same time tucking his head down. 

Niall wants to laugh, because Louis' is being ridiculous but he knows why Louis is hiding. Knows how Louis gets when he's completely overwhelmed. 

"You can't hide your crying face from me," Niall says softly, crooking a finger under Louis' chin, tilting his face up. Louis' eyes are wet as he slaps at Niall's hip with his free hand. 

"You know I can't help it," Louis whines and Niall does chuckle a little then, Louis pinching his side so he stops. "Aren't you supposed to love me even if I am a crier at ridiculous things?"

Niall nods, chest filling up with Louis' merely hinting at what they are to each other. He pulls Louis in, presses his lips to Louis brow and takes comfort in how his soul mark heats up where Louis' has his hand resting above. 

"Suppose so," Niall answers, hand stroking slow up and over the warmth of Louis' back. He listens to Louis yawn and holds him closer. His own eyes sliding closed with how settled he feels right now. How in sync he is with his heart and Louis.

There'll be time to talk in the morning. To discuss what goes on from here and a thousand other things that lie in their future. But right now. Right now. Niall just wants to lie here in these arms and relish in the love he thought he'd been wrong about. He lets Louis poke and prod his body until it's where Louis obviously wants it to be. He curls his arms around Louis and listens to him breathe, the slow burn under his skin where his soul mark is, a reminder that everything is finally right.

When he wakes, it's to Louis at his side, face smushed mostly on Niall's pillow and his hand spread over the L on Niall's heart.

 

~ THE END ~


End file.
